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  • She Monkeys 2011

    ★★½ Watched 30 Sep, 2014

    She Monkeys is a coming-of-age drama set in the unusual and competitive environment of equestrian vaulting. Lisa Aschan’s debut is an engaging, albeit slight, drama about teenage equestrian rider, Emma, and her tentative yet complicated relationship with her more experienced and controlling teammate, Cassandra. As well as exploring Emma’s sexual awakening her much younger sister also has to deal with understanding her changing body.

    The film is not only Aschan’s debut but also the first film for its young cast.…

  • Ghostkeeper 1981

    ★½ Watched 30 Sep, 2014

    For many years, and reasons I’ve long since forgotten, I have wanted to see Jim Makichuk’s Ghostkeeper. Unfortunately, it really wasn’t worth the decade long wait as this Canadian low budget horror has very little to offer. Although the film opens with an intertitle card mentioning the myth of the Windigo this is a more conventional slasher movie with some woolly supernatural elements tacked on to the end.

    Three friends out on a New Year’s Eve snowmobile trip find themselves…

  • Only Lovers Left Alive 2013

    ★★★★ Watched 29 Sep, 2014 21

    Jim Jarmusch’s latest may feature some familiar vampire iconography, whether it be the pallid anti-heroes or their thirst for blood, but Only Lovers Left Alive is as much a lament for the death of art and culture as it is about a centuries old love story. It is also the director’s best film in years, a haunting and hypnotic mood piece less interested in clever plotting and more about its heady nocturnal atmosphere.

    Tom Hiddleston stars as Adam, a vampire…

  • Keith Lemon: The Film 2012

    ½ Watched 28 Sep, 2014 11

    There aren’t many times when I’m watching a film that I start to wish that I was watching a Sarah Jessica Parker rom-com instead. However, this thought crossed my mind regularly during this truly abysmal cinematic outing from gurning ginger gobshite, Leigh Francis. Francis’ bafflingly popular creation Keith Lemon is a lewd twat with a fascination with crap British celebrities. He’s barely tolerable during the trailers advertising his TV show let alone during 85 shit-filled minutes of knob gags and…

  • Moomin and Midsummer Madness 2008

    ★★★ Watched 28 Sep, 2014 2

    As a child I adored both the original stories of Tove Jansson and the equally charming animated TV-series that ran from the late 1970s to early ‘80s. The Moomins are much loved but in recent years they seem to have fallen out of fashion with younger audiences (at least here in the UK). I was hoping that would change with a newly created series of films remastered and compiled from the original felt animated TV-series.

    Unfortunately, it seems that these…

  • The Moo Man 2013

    ★★★½ Watched 27 Sep, 2014 10

    The Moo Man is a rather unexpected documentary. From its synopsis - essentially following the daily routine of a dairy farmer - it hardly sounds like the most riveting way to spend a couple of hours, yet whilst Andy Heathcote and Heike Bachelier’s fly on the wall film is undoubtedly slow and gentle it is also strangely moving and illuminating.

    Set on a bucolic Sussex farm, The Moo Man follows dairy farmer, Stephen Hook, who shuns modern ‘go bigger’ farming…

  • The Victim 2011

    Watched 27 Sep, 2014 2

    Due to his involvement in both The Terminator and Aliens I’ll always have a soft spot for Michael Biehn. However, The Victim, Biehn’s stab at both writing and directing, certainly tests this affection. According to its opening credits The Victim is based on true events as a gruff loner living in a remote cabin is forced into a bloody fight with dodgy police officers looking to eliminate the only witness to one of their crimes.

    The film is a low…

  • Cabin Fever: Patient Zero 2014

    ★★ Watched 26 Sep, 2014 4

    Marking the third, and probably final, film in the Cabin Fever series, Patient Zero is a forgettable entry in a frankly forgettable franchise. Although Eli Roth’s first film had its moments it wasn’t something that had you clamouring for more so the fact that it has managed to spawn a couple of sequels (with a remake reportedly on the way) is quite impressive.

    Patient Zero is a prequel of sorts showing how the flesh-eating virus began to infect the populace.…

  • Altitude 2010

    Watched 26 Sep, 2014

    Altitude is a pretty abysmal horror movie even if its aeroplane setting is reasonably novel. Kaare Andrews’ debut film suffers from the same problems that befall many low budget horror movies - bad writing, bad acting, a lack of tension and being stuck with irritating characters for 90 terrible minutes. Five teenage friends embark on a weekend trip away but when their light aircraft malfunctions they discover crashing is the least of their worries.

    Self-contained settings can be brilliant in…

  • God Told Me To 1976

    ★★★ Watched 25 Sep, 2014

    Gold Told Me To is a typical Larry Cohen film in that it is anything but typical. It’s a film that on paper shouldn’t work at all with its strange blending of genres and frankly ridiculous synopsis. Yet despite the merging of seemingly incompatible elements Cohen’s odd supernatural procedural cum psychological thriller works surprisingly well, even if it is now clearly showing its age.

    It’s not an easy film to describe in story terms, partly because to reveal too much…

  • Moongirl 2005

    ★½ Watched 25 Sep, 2014 6

    Urgh! It’s hard to believe that this animated short film was actually directed by the great Henry Selick. Marking his first collaboration with Laika studios, Moongirl is a twee and rather irritating computer-generated short film about a Southern boy who meets the girl on the moon whilst night fishing. Unfortunately, here is very little to recommend about Moongirl from its annoying characters (in particular the lead boy) to its lacklustre story.

    Perhaps the biggest shock though is how goddamn ugly…

  • Divergent 2014

    ★★ Watched 24 Sep, 2014 20

    The greatest threat humanity faces in the future is not from a totalitarian dystopia but from being overrun by soporific adaptations of Young Adult best sellers. It seems every studio is in such a rush to find the next Hunger Games that they’ll adapt any old tosh and the public will willingly lap it up. Divergent, based on Veronica Roth’s popular trilogy of books, is the latest YA franchise to receive the cookie-cutter cinematic treatment creating another soulless cash cow…