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  • Blue Demon 2004

    Watched 01 Dec, 2013

    Just when you think you’ve seen every crappy shark movie that the Syfy channel have to offer they drag up an older film from the vault. Blue Demon, starring Michelle Pfeiffer’s sister and Jeff Fahey, is a strained comedy about a shark experiment that goes wrong. A group of scientists have trained sharks to sniff out potential terrorists and defuse bombs but when they are released from their holding tank they begin to terrorise the locals.

    Produced before the Syfy…

  • Black Pond 2011

    ★★★ Watched 30 Nov, 2013 2

    Black Pond is an assured and unusual debut feature from filmmakers, Tom Kingsley and Will Sharpe. Made on a micro-budget much of the film’s publicity has surrounded the casting of comic actor, Chris Langham, in his first project post-conviction. Although his casting brings attention to the film he proves perfect for the role, not only in his impeccable deadpan delivery but also in his proximity to the material.

    Langham stars as the head of the Thompson clan, a middle-class family…

  • Cyborg 2 1993

    ★½ Watched 30 Nov, 2013

    In this direct-to-video sequel to the lacklustre Jean-Claude Van Damme action film, a young Angelina Jolie plays a sexy android on the run from her makers with the help of her lover played by Elias Koteas and clunky disembodied exposition from Jack Palance. However, barring a brief video clip from the original film this shares little in common with the first movie.

    Set in the year 2074, where people live in futuristic cities bathed in neon lights and dry ice,…

  • The Bling Ring 2013

    ★★½ Watched 29 Nov, 2013 18

    It is rather unfortunate for Sofia Coppola that her latest film was released in the same year as Harmony Korine’s Spring Breakers as both movies explore the moral decline in today’s fame-obsessed society. Sadly, The Bling Ring can’t help but appear second best to the woozy and insane delights of Korine’s latest.

    Inspired by the Vanity Fair article "The Suspect Wore Louboutins" about the true life story of a group of teens who robbed from the houses of their favourite…

  • Burning Man 2011

    ★★ Watched 29 Nov, 2013

    Jonathan Teplitzky’s Burning Man is a film that attempts to explore the disorientation and dislocation of grief as an English chef living in Bondi Beach struggles to turn his, and his son’s, life around after a devastating event. The problem is that the film is a case of all style and very little substance as Teplitzky and the audience get lost in the flashy editing whilst missing the human drama.

    Matthew Goode stars as the troubled chef but he has…

  • She Wants Me 2012

    ★½ Watched 29 Nov, 2013

    She Wants Me is a romantic-comedy sorely missing both laughs and romance as a scriptwriter has a crisis when a movie star wants the lead role in his latest film that he had already promised to his girlfriend. Written and directed by Rob Margolies this is a failed indie rom-com filled with annoying characters and a complete lack of chemistry or compelling story.

    It starts with obnoxious fourth wall breaking and a reliance on intrusive visual tricks to try and…

  • Reality 2012

    ★★★ Watched 28 Nov, 2013 4

    Reality, director Matteo Garrone’s follow-up to his award winning, Gomorrah, is a very different film from his breakout hit. This cynical and satirical story centres on a fishmonger obsessed with becoming a contestant on the Italian edition of Big Brother as his sense of reality is warped by his delusional desires.

    Spurred on by his family and believing in his own brilliance, Luciano, becomes obsessed by his need for fame and fortune. Soon he is sure he is being monitored…

  • InRealLife 2013

    ★★ Watched 28 Nov, 2013 2

    Beeban Kidron’s InRealLife is a documentary that attempts to explore the effects of the internet and digital communication on today’s younger generations. The film is a combination of extreme case studies and interviews with academics and journalists but it proves light on genuine revelations as it resorts to cheap shock tactics and obvious statements.

    The tone is set early on with a portentous voice over from Kidron coupled with an aggressive industrial soundscape. It is a documentary with a clear…

  • Santa Paws 2: The Santa Pups 2012

    Watched 28 Nov, 2013 9

    It seems that Sky Movies got a bulk discount on talking dog movies recently having broadcast three such films in the past two weeks. Unfortunately, November is far too early to be watching a Christmas movie, even one as risible as Santa Paws 2. Directed and co-written by talking animal extraordinaire, Robert Vince, this might be even more annoying than his terrible Treasure Buddies film.

    In this festive film the santa pups, Santa Paws’ recent litter, get in scrapes when…

  • Much Ado About Nothing 2012

    ★★★½ Watched 27 Nov, 2013 19

    In one of the most surprising career choices of the year, Joss Whedon goes from helming a billion dollar blockbuster to shooting a low budget Shakespeare adaptation in his garden. As surprising as the change in direction may be Whedon’s interpretation of one of the Bard’s most famous comedies is just as much fun as his marvellous Marvel movie.

    Filmed over a few days with his friends and regular screen collaborators, Much Ado About Nothing, is a breezy and relaxed…

  • Today You Die 2005

    ★½ Watched 27 Nov, 2013

    The good news is this direct-to-video action film is at least better than Steven Seagal’s Against the Dark, but then so is a kick in the nuts so I’m not sure that is much of a compliment. Today You Die is like practically every other Seagal film from the past ten years as the laziest man in action shuffles his way through a story that offers little in the way of surprises.

    Seagal stars as a latter day Robin Hood,…

  • Vamp U 2013

    ★★ Watched 27 Nov, 2013

    This theatrical debut from directing-writing duo, Matt Jespersen and Maclain Nelson, tries a little too hard to please with its strained attempts at comedy coming across as forced rather than funny. Wayne Gretzky (not the ice hockey star as the film likes to constantly point out) is an impotent vampire working as a history professor at an American university. When a new student who looks exactly like the love of his life enrolls in his class his life is turned…