No matter how hard it tries, this remake or "prequel" as it was touted, will never reach the heights of the John Carpenter classic. It's strongly directed and Mary Elizabeth Winstead makes a decent stab as an action heroine even though Joel Edgerton is given the impossible task of filling the shoes of Kurt Russell but The Thing relies on too much reference from Carpenters 1981 seminal sci-fi monster horror for it to be memorable in the slightest. Oh, it…

"I don't think I'll ever dry out."

One of Tim Burton's most accessible and warmest films, here Burton is beautifully restraint but it still lingers with his usual touch of oddness that evolves into one hell of a tearjerker.

It's magnificently cast but it belongs to Albert Finney, loveable yet emotionally complex as a weaver of fantastical stories that may not be as real as he believes they are. Quailty support performances are in the shape of Ewan McGregor in…

Spectacularly shite.

So much so that Arnie's daft performance is the only salvageable aspect that can be scraped from this plate of visual diarrhea.

There's so many wrong things at play here:

1. Alicia Silverstone handles the english language like she just suffered a severe stroke.
2. Uma Thurman is about as sexy as Jimmy Saville in a children's hospital ward.
3. Chris O'Donnell has the charisma of a toilet seat.
4. George Clooney's leather nipples.
5. Bat bombs. Bat…

"It was always you, Helen. Come with me and be immortal."

This classic frightened a generation of their own bathroom mirrors. Totally under-appreciated upon it's release, even to this day but Bernard Rose's contemporary horror based on the short story, The Forbidden, by Clive Barker is a minor masterpiece and features a menacing performance from Tony Todd. While Freddy Kruger, Michael Myers and others stole the horror limelight, the Candyman not just haunt my dreams but forced me to avoid…