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  • My Bloody Valentine 2009

    ★★★ Watched 04 Nov, 2014 4

    This doesn't deserve to be good as it is.

    It's virtually fright-free, it fails to conjure any of the dread the 1981 original was so successfully built on and at 101 minutes long - it's too fucking long. Nevertheless, Patrick Lussier's remake is a total blast due it's lashings of gore, gratuitous nudity, cheap but cheerful production values and it's hilariously awful acting - watch as the cast of late thirty-something-year-olds struggle to pretend to be high school teenagers during…

  • Paranormal Activity 4 2012

    Watched 29 Oct, 2014

    An awesome commercial for awesome Apple products. Apple is awesome. Just look at all the awesome stuff it can do and with dialogue consisting of telling you all about awesome Apple features! BONUS!

    I want an iPhone.
    I want an iMac.
    I want an iPad.

    If you watch Paranormal Activity 4 and don't want an Apple iPhone or iMac then you're just a loser and everybody will hate you!

    ALL HAIL APPLE!





    Added note: supposedly, there's a film to be found somewhere here.

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  • Batman & Robin 1997

    Rewatched 05 Jan, 2013 12

    Spectacularly shite.

    So much so that Arnie's daft performance is the only salvageable aspect that can be scraped from this plate of visual diarrhea.

    There's so many wrong things at play here:

    1. Alicia Silverstone handles the english language like she just suffered a severe stroke.
    2. Uma Thurman is about as sexy as Jimmy Saville in a children's hospital ward.
    3. Chris O'Donnell has the charisma of a toilet seat.
    4. George Clooney's leather nipples.
    5. Bat bombs. Bat…

  • Birth 2004

    ★★★★★ Watched 25 Jul, 2013 17

    "You're just a little boy, aren't you?"

    Birth is an elegant piece of filmmaking, delicately directed by Jonathan Glazer (Sexy Beast). It touches upon a plethora of themes that include love, loyalty, death, family, and grief but saturated in an atmosphere of supernatural oddness, yet, it's hard to place this under a certain genre. It's a stark piece of individual filmmaking that rarely comes around these days even though it echoes the likes of Kubrick.

    Still, this will split an…