Much like the Thing it depicts, this film ends up a facsimile. In this case, it reproduces John Carpenter's masterful The Thing theme-for-theme, despite claiming a "prequel" tag. (Since when has that been a badge of honour?) Unlike the eponymous monster, which adds blood-splattered fun to its copies, this film adds nothing to the existing mythology. Not a Thing. Ha ha ha. We've seen all of this before, and the "Now With Added CGI!!! Kapow!!!! 1000% Of Your RDI!!!" only further detracts. Not even the backstory of how that axe got there in Carpenter's original* can redeem it.

*Technically a remake; practically an original.