Sincerest apologies for all the swearing that is about to pour out of me.
Dear Mr. Hayter (love the name, so appropriate),
What the fuck? No seriously, what the fuck did you just make? Did you just seriously fuck over the entire werewolf mythos just to desperately tag along with the young adult frenzy going on right now? You should issue a warning with this film: 'NOT BASED ON A NOVEL, WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY YOURS TRULY' You certainly had…
This review reportedly contains spoilers. I can handle the truth.
I hate this movie for all its cutesy quoting of Wrath of Khan while trying and spectacularly failing to sublet its gravitas. I hate it for casting the whitest actor on Earth as a man named Khan Noonien Singh. I hate it for the way that every shot in the back half is a three-ring circus of lens flares, cluttered sets, and CGI embellishments. I hate it for turning Spock into Sheldon from "The Big Bang Theory". I hate it…
The reason I hate this film so much is because I love science fiction. Let me just start by saying that I haven't read the novel(s) this is based on, so my only reference to the world of Ender is this 'film'.
I struggle to call this a film. It has moving images and somewhere hidden among the CGI straight out of the eighties there are people. You could call them actors. You could call them bored people reading their…
Some initial rambling thoughts and notes for a future more coherent review:
-Jordan Belfort makes Calvin Candie look like a pleasant guy to be around.
-This film makes The Departed look like a Disney movie.
-"Two time Academy Award Nominee Jonah Hill"
-"That Rob Reiner guy should act more."
-Never thought I'd hear a Foo Fighters song in a Scorsese film, nevermind one that actually really fits.
-It'll be interesting to see how the mass public reacts to…
1. Whose bright idea was it to shoot most of the film in pitch dark?
2. Why on earth would the Purge ever work? Stupidest fucking idea I've ever heard.
3. 75% of the film=bad guys getting shot by good guys at the last possible second.
4. Ethan Hawke looks a little weird without scrubbly facial hair.
5. That's all I have to say, this film doesn't warrant too much deep thought.
Jesus, what a crapfest. Usually I do not watch superhero movies and I don't read comics, but this was part of an oversea flight entertainment program, so I gave it a shot.
Most of the fun for me was figuring out what actually Iron Man's / Stark's super power was and I honestly I didn't quite get it. Is he a living magnet or some shit? And whenever he does the "iron summoning" pose or whatever that is, why does…
Well, the whole premise is entirely preposterous, because if you factor in the holy FUCK THAT ROBOT JUST PUNCHED A GIANT MONSTER IN THE FACE OH MY GOD.
Well, Charlie Hunnam is probably the most uncharismatic leading man I have ever seen and the movie would honestly be better if they just replaced him with a stationary picture of Michael Fassbender and jesus fucking CHRIST ARE YOU SERIOUS? ARE YOU EVEN JOKING ME RIGHT NOW? DID THAT JAEGER SERIOUSLY JUST…
If this movie were a person, it would be a fifteen-year-old boy- it's very, very horny, and very, VERY angry. I hadn't actually realised that until this most recent re-watch. Everybody's either shouting at each other, making some sort of snide remark or at times becoming physically violent with one another, often out of nowhere. And of course, king of all this is Michael Douglas, the angriest cock in the barnyard, a man who seems to be judging his performance…