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  • Gnome Alone 2015

    ★½ Watched 23 Feb, 2015 4

    Was this vision you just had written by a fucking five year old?

    Of course this is complete garbage, but it's a Leprechaun ripoff, with zero production value, no budget, starring Verne Troyer (Mini-Me from the Austin Powers movies) and it's called GNOME ALONE! Of course I was going to watch this! How could I not?

    It's like passing a car accident, you have to stop and watch to see if it's as bad as you suspect and by…

  • Out of the Dark 2014

    ★★ Watched 23 Feb, 2015

    500 years ago the conquistadors came here looking for silver and burnt all the children of this village alive.

    I do believe the original title of this film was Horror Movie Clichés: The Movie. Director Lluís Quílez makes his feature film debut here with a solid cast and the beautiful locals of Colombia at his disposal, but unfortunately he's shooting from an uninspired script.

    You'll see the jump scares coming a mile away. You'll recognize who has horrible secrets…

  • Aya 2012

    ★★★½ Watched 22 Feb, 2015 5

    Never follow your heart. Life is much easier.
    -Mr. Overby

  • Feast 2014

    ★★★½ Watched 22 Feb, 2015

    Cuteness overload.

    I think the message of the film is that women change men for the worse... that's what I got anyways.

  • Honeymoon 2014

    ★★★½ Watched 22 Feb, 2015

    I love you honey bee.

    Writer/director Leigh Janiak makes a damn confident debut here in the horror genre with a story that might not have blown me away, but it's told with such talent that it elevates it passed it's familiar theme.

    The majority of the film lays on the shoulders of Rose Leslie and Harry Treadaway as they are alone for most of the time at the family cabin on their honeymoon. If you think Leslie is good…

  • Digging Up the Marrow 2014

    ★★★ Watched 22 Feb, 2015

    Eventually we're going to need some monsters.. in our... monsters documentary. Right?
    -Adam Green

    Adam Green, the man who brought us Frozen (the other one) and the Hatchet films, is at it again but this time with a "faux documentary" where I believe everyone is playing themselves except for it's main subject, one William Dekker played by Ray Wise.

    The gist is that Dekker has approached Green with his story with decades worth of research on "real monsters" that live…

  • Wyrmwood 2014

    ★★★★ Watched 21 Feb, 2015 2

    This morning I shot my wife and child with a nail gun. I don't know how to make that into a story.

    Rarely do those mash-up tag lines for films ever end up being right. They tell you it's "Independence Day Meets Aliens" and they give you Battle Los Angeles. Here though, you get exactly what they tell you and that's god damn "Mad Max Meets Dawn of the Dead".

    I'd add that it's more Dawn of the Dead

  • Love in the Time of Monsters 2014

    ★★★½ Watched 21 Feb, 2015 5

    There's a saying where I come from: Don't stick your dick in crazy.

    Director Matt Jackson and screenwriter Michael Skvaria make their feature film debut here on what had to be a shoestring budget, but it works because the material is genuinely witty with a cast of actors that are having fun with it's ridiculous premise.

    A cheesy tourist trap, Uncle Slavko's All-American Lodge, featuring staff dressed up as Big Foots (or is that Big Feet?) as an attraction…

  • Sister Street Fighter 1974

    ★★★½ Watched 21 Feb, 2015 4

    Well done Lady Dragon.
    -Ryozo Hayashi

    As far as I can tell, this is a spinoff of the Street Fighter films with no actual connection to the Street Fighter films despite having "Sonny Chiba's back" plastered on the poster. Sonny Chiba is in the film, but he's playing a completely different character.

    Worse even is the fact that Chiba has top billing on most posters you'll see, but he actually only has a small part in the film. Still though,…

  • Starry Eyes 2014

    ★★★½ Watched 20 Feb, 2015 2

    This will be... different.
    -The Assistant

    A brutal Hollywood satire in the form of horror that might be taking it's inspiration from the likes of early Roman Polanski and David Cronenberg. Note that I'm merely stating where I think the inspiration came from and by no means making a comparison on talent.

    Alex Essoe is the naive wannabe Hollywood starlet Sarah that we follow on her journey to possible success. Everything she goes through physically is to change her psychologically…

  • Citizenfour 2014

    ★★★★ Watched 20 Feb, 2015

    We are building the biggest weapon for oppression in the history of mankind.
    -Edward Snowden

    Director Laura Poitras was there to capture a real life spy thriller unfold in front of her camera and was lucky enough that her main subject was a surprisingly charismatic Edward Snowden.

    I'm not sure what is scarier about this film, what these events uncovered or the fact that since this story first broke the mass population, as a majority, have already become compliant to…

  • And the Oscar Goes To... 2014

    ★★★ Watched 20 Feb, 2015

    I would like to thank my parents for not practicing birth control.
    -Dustin Hoffman

    I'm easy, just show me a bunch of Oscar clips and classic movie clips. Stop doing interviews with Cher though, her new face freaks me out. Also stop doing interviews with Liza Minnelli... she freaks me out a little too. Just use old interview clips for both of them. Everyone will be better for it.