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  • Three Steps In The Dark 1953

    ★★½ Watched 15 Mar, 2014

    Three Steps in the Dark was thought lost for many years, and unfortunately that remains the most mysterious thing about this British whodunnit - or rather, thatonedunnit, from very early on. Its characters are curiously unruffled by a murder in their midst, and in fact show barely any emotion throughout. The script seems interested only in the puzzle element, not in the people caught up in it, and consequently we don't care much about either.

  • The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence) 2011

    ★½ Watched 02 Mar, 2014

    I wanted to give this a chance and quite liked the almost dialogue-free first half hour, but then it runs up against some big problems:

    1. People start talking, and you start missing the silent half hour.

    2. Martin is actually the protagonist, on a quest to realise his dream in the face of a hostile world. It seems as if we're supposed to sympathise with him, but this is impossible given his actions. Perhaps we're meant to think Martin's…

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  • Caligula 1979

    ★★★ Watched 15 Feb, 2013 8

    It's hard (sorry) to know how to review Caligula, especially in its full length (sorry again) version. I've seen lots of 10/10 reviews on other sites, but you can't help feeling (ahem) that they are actually reviewing the behind-the-scenes story. That of course is incredible, hilarious and tragic - all things that the film should be but isn't. It's swollen (cough), sloppy (cough cough) and gets itself into a proper mess (nurse!). Mark Kermode famously said that there was a…

  • Lifeforce 1985

    ★★★★★ Rewatched 04 Apr, 2013 5

    OK, I admit it, I'm a fan of Lifeforce, and it's not just because of the vast swathes of nudity.* Not that I can't see the flaws - this is after all a film that (ahem) climaxes with a man able to save the earth by having sex, in fact he's so good at sex that he sends himself and his partner flying up into the air - but it is also fun, ambitious, scary and dare I say it…