Letterboxd — Your life in film

Dear Mr Zombie,

Thank you so much for your entry into the Rother Junior Film Maker competition, unfortunately, with so many entries from so many talented teenagers this year, you have not made the final 100.

When making a horror movie in future, we advise you dont cast your wife (if she only has sex with you if you cast her in films, we suggest marriage guidance or a divorce).

You should also consider ditching the cliche of the spooky figure in the background. and dare we suggest.... a plot !!

However, if you'd like to edit together all the surreal and arty shots you've attempted, we would consider them for entry into the under 12's short film making competition.

Many thanks.

A steaming turd, so skull crushingly unfunny, you'll want to stick flaming knitting needles in your eyes before ever witnessing this monumental pile of wank ever again.

Well done America, you've finally served up a shit that stinks as badly as Keith Lemon The Movie.

Lets look at the positives.....

There's some fantastic gory deaths.

Now the negatives.

It's a cabin, in the woods. It's like a fucking tardis, at one point, someone is asked to come 'downstairs', from where?

Then the characters, we're thankfully spared any real back story, there's no road trip to the cabin. But then, you dont care about any of them, so anytime they're not being killed, you dont give a toss about what's happening on screen.

Plenty of nods to the originals, though if you havent seen them, this will pan out worse for you.

NOTE: The most terrifying film you will ever experience, that's not actually true, as it contains not a single scare. None, nada, not one.
This is how it plays out...

bored....bored.... DEATH !!!! bored....bored...DEATH !!! repeat to fade.

Went in blind to this, probably the best way.

I'm told it is a little misleading in that his music wasn't just popular in South Africa, and what i really wanted to know was..........where did the money go.

They had the record label boss squirming and lying through his teeth but never followed the trail to find out where it went. A shame, as presenting Rodriguez as impoverished and bereft of any earnings from his music you kind of want to know where the $$$ did end up.

Worth a poke, even if you're not into his music or know anything about him.

Fantastic road movie, funny, moving and ridiculously entertaining.

One for your radar if you've not seen it.

The perfect antitdote to shit US teen comedies.