Safe 2012

The Stath, is a cage fighter, who was a dustman, who is actually a former cop, but was a Russian speaking super solidier. But if you think that sounds bonkers, it's nothing compared to the rest of this.

Set up: A girl who's good at maths and has a photographic memory is kidnapped to work for the Chinese mafia (this makes no sense, at all). Meanwhile cage fighter Stath wins a fight he shouldn't and the Russians all pile round and kill his wife. I've no idea why they think he's a dustman.

Enter corrupt cops (gang of), stereotyped chinese gangsters (lots of), russian mafia (lots of), one russian and one chinese boss.

Chinese girl escapes when everyone is trying to kill everyone else. Is found on the subway and saved by The Stath. She has a number, it's a long, long number. She tells the Stath. He immediately works out that this is a combination.

Thats just the opening.....

Slack jawed, eye rolling, laughing at it and never with it. I had called a moratorium on 'so bad it's good', but this is beyond belief, and has to be seen just to make sure it was really made.

Rating: tricky, lets say it's a 5 star, no star movie.

For the record: I fucking love The Stath.

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