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  • Predestination

    Predestination 2014

    ★★★★ Added

    Instead of staying up all night pondering the plot of the movie, I'm sitting here trying to figure out why they would set the bar sign at the beginning of the movie in Copperplate.

  • Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

    Dawn of the Planet of the Apes 2014

    ★★½ Added

    Transformers with apes.

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  • Snowpiercer

    Snowpiercer 2013

    ★★★½ Added

    This review reportedly contains spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    When they finally opened that god-dang gate and he goes in, all I can think of is...

    Fucking hell, he's Charlie Bucket and Ed Harris is trying to give him his chocolate factory.

  • Sudden Death

    Sudden Death 1995

    ★★★★½ Added

    This review reportedly contains spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    What a ridiculously awesome action movie. It's like they crossed Die Hard with The Naked Gun:

    Hero's loved one gets held hostage by a creepy bad guy.
    Hero fights a penguin mascot in a kitchen.
    Bad guy tries to steal a bunch of money.
    Bad guy tries to kill the Vice-President (The Queen).
    Cufflink darts.
    Bad guy rigs the building with C4.
    Hero disguises himself as a goalie in a sports game.
    Glass breaks.
    Bad guy takes hostage to roof.
    Hero gets a machine gun. Ho-Ho-Ho.
    Hero kills the bad guy at the top of a stadium.

    Fin.