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  • White Bird in a Blizzard 2014

    ★½ Watched 19 Oct, 2014

    Basically the best possible version of a shitty student film, but that doesn't make it any less laughably bad.

    The film consists of:
    50% Awkward Pauses (which make 90 minutes feel like 900).
    15% Pseudointellectual, metaphor-laden dialogue that thinks it's intellectual and subtle but somehow manages to be exactly the opposite, in addition to avoiding any sense of natural rhythm.
    5% Eva Green hilariously overacting, as either a hilariously Dickensian ghost-like human or Elizabeth Taylor caricature.
    5% Normally wonderful actors…

  • Gone Girl 2014

    ★★★★★ Watched 11 Oct, 2014

    An incisive piece that examines the ways in which we deceive ourselves and others. A corrupt comedy with a heart as black and vitriolic as Fincher's own. A character study of the violent extremities that lie within us all. This is Gone Girl. And this is a masterpiece.

    "Perception is reality." That's something my father had the good sense to teach me when I was young. Didn't matter who I was on the inside, didn't matter how much good I…

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  • The Lizzie McGuire Movie 2003

    ★★★ Rewatched 12 Jul, 2012

    A classic. It's terrible in almost every way. But it's a classic.

  • Tarzan 1999

    ★★★★ Rewatched 21 Jun, 2012 2

    This film is actually excellent. I hadn't seen it since childhood, and now I remember why I liked it. It wasn't the jokes--they were childish and fairly inane and I recognized that back then as well. It was the plot, the characters, and the music. The drama of this story is alternately light and dark but always has a strong sense of character and narrative drive--Tarzan is actually a BRILLIANT drama, with some catchy songs. Also President Grant from Scandal is Tarzan. He would be Tarzan.