Letterboxd — Your life in film

Boy, it must be fun at the Cronenberg family diner table.

It is very clear, perhaps a bit too clear, where Brandon Cronenberg gets his inspiration from as Antiviral feels as if it takes place in the universe of Videodrome. We are presented with a celebrity obsessed society, in which people go to great lengths to get closer to the people in the spotlights. This premise is handled great for the better part of the film, making good use of body horror (daddy must be so proud!)

The thing is, however, that for all its rich backdrop, it doesn't actually offer up any real ideas of its own, never really commenting on anything. Which is a shame as there was ample opportunity to do so.

Instead we get a poorly paced film, that takes a long time to say nothing. It's intriguing, sure, and there are some fantastic scenes, but it is in the end a rather unsatisfying watch, caught up in its own plot all the while forgetting to tell a story.

Brandon Cronenberg is a talented filmmaker with a lot of promise. I do hope he'll start finding his own style in stead of trying to emulate his father's.

Let's be honest, this film shouldn't work. It is stupid, shallow and lacking originality apart from perhaps the setting. It deals in stereotypes, dishes out action tropes by the second and has a plot as skinny as all the girls that apparently inhabit the realms of drag racing. On top of that it stars one of the most uncharismatic leading men ever produced in Hollywood.

Now, if you can't step over this you are bound to hate it. If you can, you're in for an enjoyable romp that provides just the right amount of testosterone induced adrenaline, making it entertaining enough to forgive it that it is a complete no-brainer.

Rob Cohen isn't the subtlest of directors, but his filmography betrays his knack for churning out solid action sequences and here that is no different. There are some great chases and stunts, all handled with skill and never sacrificing kinetics for poor focus, something I really like as apparently these days it's difficult to shoot action you can actually follow.

Vin Diesel carries the film with ease and has great chemistry with Rodriguez, making the ham fisted dialogue slightly bearable. So I guess this is a classic case of the sum being greater than its parts, making this a film I should probably hate, but just can't be bothered to. The cheese just tastes too good.

It has taken Dustin Hoffman 75-years to step behind the camera - so why now? It is hard to know what has finally driven him to bring this beige (or should that be grey?) story to the screen. Perhaps he wanted a safe project to test his directorial mettle or maybe he just wanted to spend a few weeks with friends and get paid for the privilege, either way the results are bland and soporific.

Aimed at undemanding mums and dribbling dementia sufferers, Quartet is a fusty and frilly film about the residents of a home for retired musicians. Populated by camp eccentrics and wrinkly divas the film focuses on four key characters and their relationships. Tom Courtenay and Maggie Smith star as a divorced couple who find a renewed spark in their relationship, Pauline Collins turns senility into a charming character quirk and Billy Connolly stars as the lecherous comic relief.

Featuring a who’s who of greying British talent the film is naturally well acted. The Courtenay-Smith plot is sweetly played by the actors, if completely underwritten, and Michael Gambon hams it up in an entertaining but small supporting role but everything feels so slight and safe. Although aimed to pilfer the lucrative silver pound these films always seem terribly condescending to the old. In their youth these actors played interesting and complicated characters and now they are reduced to slumming it in roles that are as undemanding as the film’s plot.

Although aiming for comforting geniality this lethargic story is as creaky as the characters’ arthritic bones. Hoffman naturally has a sensitivity towards his actors but his directing style is largely anonymous. Devoid of a distinctive personality the film just slowly plays out, failing to leave any sort of impression other than utter apathy in the process.

If these are the types of films I have to look forward to in old age I think I might have to start looking for a new hobby.