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  • Limitless 2011

    ★½ Watched 16 Dec, 2014 10

    The Box Office Bashing Season: 2003 to 2014

    You know how I knew of Neil Burger before I watched this?

    From that poster for Divergent where they made sure that Shailene Woodley's tight-betrousered arse was prominently sat right in the middle of the poster, right next to whoever the bloke is in it. Not because his name is notable on the poster. The only thing notable on that poster is Shailene Woodley's arse. No.

    Because I thought, "Well that film…

  • Hot Fuzz 2007

    ★★★★ Watched 15 Dec, 2014 18

    The Box Office Bashing Season: 2003 to 2014

    Well you, you should be ashamed.

    Hot Fuzz is one of those films that I've inexplicably put off seeing for ages and I blame ITV4. Their endless showings of Shaun Of The Dead, which I do like, not only have had made me not want to see that film for a long time but it seems to have had a knock-on effect on the other Edgar Wright / Simon Pegg / Nick…

  • The Ward 2010

    ★½ Watched 14 Dec, 2014 3

    "You will not be saved by the Holy Ghost...." - The Complete Carpenter Project

    Next time John Carpenter decides to make a film, let's not let him.

    The Ward is awful and I'm falling asleep so I'm going to make this short and sweet.

    1) Mamie Gummer is a great name. It sounds like she should be in a racist 1920s silent historical epic though. She's terrible in this.

    2) This is the worst nuthouse ever. The doctor leaves a…

  • Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull 2008

    ★★★ Watched 14 Dec, 2014 18

    The Box Office Bashing Season: 2003 to 2014

    It's a shame about Ray.

    Well. It looks like an Indiana Jones film and it sounds like one. That was one of my first thoughts about Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull as it spluttered through its opening few minutes and then unfortunately hit a very low ebb with the obviously now infamous bit with the fridge.

    And that's at least something. That they pretty much got the feel of it, or at…

  • Jim Gaffigan: Obsessed 2014

    ★★★ Watched 13 Dec, 2014 2

    I really like Jim Gaffigan but this is probably the weakest of his four specials so far.

    He's never had a particular organised style to his comedy but even by his standard this really did feel all over the place and, tellingly, isn't nearly as funny when he's not talking about junk food. He really should just do all his next routine about it because it's a crowd pleaser for a reason - because it's funny.

    Still pretty good but really, the most impressive thing about it were his awesome Adidas.

  • Bad Boys II 2003

    Watched 12 Dec, 2014 13

    The Box Office Bashing Season: 2003 to 2014

    So I notice that it's been announced that there may well be a Bad Boys 3 in the offing.

    If Michael Bay decides to return to this franchise, should he not be too busy having giant robots twatting each other and ogling Megan Fox's arse, I've got a treatment written for him for said film.


    BAD BOYS 3 by Steve Grzesiak.

    The story picks up with Mike struggling with the rigours of…

  • The Fog 1980

    ★★★★ Rewatched 11 Dec, 2014 9

    "You will not be saved by the Holy Ghost...." - The Complete Carpenter Project

    You know one of the things I like about The Fog? That it's a film made in 1980 where Jamie Lee Curtis hops into bed with Tom Atkins just a couple of hours after they meet and it passes absolutely no judgement on her for doing so.

    The Fog really is a terrific horror film but it still feels to me that it never quite gets…

  • The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel 2011

    ★★ Watched 11 Dec, 2014 8

    The Box Office Bashing Season: 2003 to 2014

    Oh look, Maggie Smith's a racist. I wonder if, by any chance, she might have changed her outlook by the end of the film.

    There's just nothing to this film. It's a really bizarre comedy drama in that it's neither funny nor particularly dramatic. It just meanders its way through its over-long running time, have someone inevitably and tragically cark it, have someone else being presumed to have carked it, and that's…

  • Prisoners 2013

    ★★★★ Watched 10 Dec, 2014 5

    The Box Office Bashing Season: 2003 to 2014

    ONE OR TWO MINOR SPOILERS

    "Right now someone else has that number."

    I often find with really long films like Prisoners that it's a lot harder for me to love them and a lot easier for me to find fault with them.

    I always thought it was to do with ADD but in my mind I also seem to be of the belief that the longer it goes on, the easier it…

  • My Little Pony: Equestria Girls 2013

    Added 6

    I figured that seeing as though my eldest daughter has watched this about 200 times, and I've inadvertently seen about 30 seconds of it each time she's watched it, that I should probably mark this as watched.

    10 more watches of Frozen and I'll be marking that off in the same way too.

  • Christine 1983

    ★★★ Watched 09 Dec, 2014 4

    "You will not be saved by the Holy Ghost...." - The Complete Carpenter Project

    I still think this was an odd film for John Carpenter to take.

    Certainly at the time he did take it, following off the back of The Fog, The Thing and Escape From New York, it was an odd choice. Maybe he wanted an easy project to work on before he did Big Trouble In Little China and critics started whining that he'd lost it.

    There…

  • The Happening 2008

    ½ Watched 09 Dec, 2014 21

    The Box Office Bashing Season: 2003 to 2014

    Ahh, I get it now. Vulgar auteurism. It all makes sense.

    I don't regard myself as a cinephile. I'm just a bloke who really likes films. I watch a lot of them and I wish I had enough time to watch more. I know what I like and I know that I'm pretty stubborn in what I will give a go and what I won't touch with someone else's. I write reviews…