Okay, I'll be honest here, guys. I've come down with THE worst cold this evening and right now I just want to give Closer half a star because somewhere in my mind I hold it responsible for my illness.
But I'll try to be as fair as I possibly can although I do just want to write, "Four miserable arseholes fall in and out of love with each other at the drop…
I bloody love Assault On Precinct 13. I think it was the first John Carpenter film I watched, a film that my dad generously allowed me to stay up and watch with him during a Moviedrome showing in the very early 90s. He made cheese on toast, which made up for the trauma of what happens to Kim Richards here.
Like with all truly great films,…
There's a note in this film that's just missing an 'Ar' to make for some amazing foreshadowing for Ben Affleck's career.
There I was, just a couple of weeks ago, talking in my Argo review about how I was glad that I didn't get caught up in all the anti-Ben Affleck feeling that swept through almost everyone when he became one half of Bennifer and started making really crap films. Little did…
In which English stand-up comedian Stewart Lee stands in front of a room full of inebriated Glaswegians and tells them that William Wallace may have been "a gay" and "a Scottish paedophile - the worst kind of paedophile there is" as well as suggesting that Gaelic is the language of gays.
And if you can't at least respect him for that then you're a harder person than I.
Also, if you can't laugh at, "Woke up this morning. Got a big chin." then I probably can't be friends with you either.
There was once a bloke on Letterboxd who complained in a review of Moonrise Kingdom, which he hadn't watched, that Wes Anderson was causing the "pussyfication of American cinema".
Obviously he was a massive nimrod and he never adequately explained what the hell he meant in the first place. All I can say is that if he was right, which he wasn't, then I hope Anderson continues pussifying American cinema judging by…
One of the John Carpenter films I hadn't seen. With good reason, clearly.
Well, it's bloody awful, obviously. By this point Carpenter's career had, In The Mouth Of Madness aside, turned to complete dogshit by all accounts. Even so, you watch this and you could hardly believe that this is the same director responsible for at least three of the great modern horror films and several…
Why doesn't Spike Lee make more films like this?
I understand that he's a necessarily abrasive and controversial figure in filmmaking, and that he has an important place in filmmaking history. At the same time, I look at a film like Inside Man and am left thinking that he might well have a pretty great talent for making crime thrillers and that I want to see more of them.
I know that…
John Carpenter went a long way very quickly, didn't he?
Even though Assault On Precinct 13 was itself a low budget gem, it looks like Avatar compared to Dark Star in terms of budget. It says on Wikipedia that the budget was $60,000 but I have to ask what the hell happened to it. Did space hoppers cost that much in 1974?
He also went a…
I think maybe that title is quite apt in this case.
Seemingly very positively received by just about everyone, it didn't really do a great deal for me. Gillian Jacobs is excellent in the lead role and gets a lovely balance between comedy and the not-so-comedic. It's also well shot and the use of sound was pretty good.
But it was just a bit predictable for me and I didn't think it quite lived up to the potential. I think…
Full Metal Cacket
Cack Hawk Down
The Turd Locker
All Shite On The Western Front
Born On The Fourth Of Pooly
Enema At The Gates
Pissing In Action
All appropriate alternative names for this awful, piss-poor, lazy as fuck, clichéd as shit, borderline pathetic, waste of time shite fucking film.
Symbolic horse. Are you fucking kidding me. FUCK YOU MENDES.
If only there was an Alan Partridge gif to sum up how I felt about this film. Oh wait!
There's also an episode of South Park which sums up my feelings towards Silver Linings Playbook.
It's called With Apologies To Jesse Jackson and it's the one that satirises the Michael Richards racial abuse incident. Stan spends the entire episode apologising to Token for his dad making a somewhat unfortunate mistake on…
If a film is a buddy cop film, it has an instant advantage over other films with me.
It's probably just as well, then, that The Other Guys is a buddy cop film otherwise I'd have been moaning at Letterboxd on Twitter to let us do minus stars.
I was going to do a proper review of this but I believe my words when the final credits hit were, "Oh fuck off you piece of....fucking film. Fuck off film!" Yeah, it rendered me incapable of being able to produce a coherent sentence. So fuck off film indeed.