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  • Jason Bourne

    Jason Bourne 2016

    ★★★½ Watched 25 Jul, 2016

    There's a decent amount of post-Snowden suspense and thrills lurking in the latest entry in the Bourne saga. Too bad the most high octane moments are all shrouded in the impenetrable veil of Chaos Cinema, courtesy of a deeply squirrely cinematographer, twitched up on military grade caffeine. Doug Liman's Bourne movie, with its legible action, easily remains the best of the series.

  • Extraction

    Extraction 2015

    ★½ Watched 06 Jul, 2016

    "Good skin is for potatoes and hookers."

    That unexpectedly goofy line is perhaps the most memorable thing about this relentlessly undercooked B-movie, featuring yet another phoned-in guest appearance by Bruce Willis, and not nearly enough Gina Carano.

  • Gods of Egypt

    Gods of Egypt 2016

    ★★★½ Watched 04 Jun, 2016 2

    According to popular opinion, I should mock and deride Alex Proyas' latest feature. But that would be dishonest. The truth is that I had a lot of fun with Gods of Egypt, and not at the movie's expense either. Honest fun!

    Sure, it's garish and wacky, and probably not particularly great, but it's also actually never dull, and even better, it's got a great, goofy, good-natured sense of humor. Nothing would have killed this movie stone dead more than it…

  • The Revenant

    The Revenant 2015

    ★★½ Watched 30 May, 2016

    A tedious and wildly overblown patchwork of squishy exploitation cinema and a faux Terrence Malick movie. Mostly a movie for fans of grunting.

  • X-Men: Apocalypse

    X-Men: Apocalypse 2016

    ★★½ Watched 18 May, 2016

    Particle animation: the Movie.

  • Deathgasm

    Deathgasm 2015

    ★★★ Watched 15 Apr, 2016

    Essentially a metal themed, feature length version of a RackaRacka Youtube video.

  • Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon: Sword of Destiny

    Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon: Sword of Destiny 2016

    ★★★ Watched 26 Feb, 2016 1

    Out on Netflix today, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon: Sword of Destiny is more of a straight up action wuxia movie than its predecessor. Well worth watching if you're a fan of the genre – there are plenty of big names involved here, from Yuen Woo-Ping in the director's chair, to Michelle Yeoh and Donnie Yen as the leads, and music by Shigeru Umebayashi, to mention a few – but don't expect the artfulness and emotional heft of Ang Lee's original.…

  • The Island of Dr. Moreau

    The Island of Dr. Moreau 1996

    ½ Watched 15 Jan, 2016

    There is just no way everyone involved were not coked out their minds when making this. The evidence on display is simply too overwhelming.

  • The Hateful Eight

    The Hateful Eight 2015

    ★★½ Watched 05 Jan, 2016

    The short version is still too long.

  • Point Break

    Point Break 2015

    ★★ Watched 17 Dec, 2015

    "Have you ever fired your gun in the air while going aaaah!?"

    You can't do that scene with a straight face after Hot Fuzz.
    Come on!

  • The Forbidden Room

    The Forbidden Room 2015

    ★★★ Watched 24 Nov, 2015

    An incomprehensible fever dream, as viewed through Snapseed's grunge filter.

  • Spectre

    Spectre 2015

    ★★½ Watched 29 Oct, 2015

    The secret agent program is scrapped, forcing the agent, with the help of a few friends and no official support, to track down and defeat a shadowy, criminal organization hell-bent on world domination.

    Did I just describe Spectre or Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation? It's a trick question, of course – it's both. But only one of the two is an entertaining movie.