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  • The Long Kiss Goodnight 1996

    ★★½ Watched 29 Sep, 2014

    - Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
    - I hope not, 'cause I'm thinking how much my balls hurt.

  • Maleficent 2014

    Watched 27 Sep, 2014

    After the initial date rape/organ harvesting backstory, it's basically Jolie distractedly playing prankster god over everyone else in the film, alternately making it rain indoors or carting various humans around on an invisible gurney. Almost worth it for the scene where the fairy godmothers try to push a prince to make out with a motionless Elle Fanning...come on, get in there, use the tongue, you're not doing it right, etc

    Also, Sleeping Beauty literally sleeps for like 2 hours.

Popular reviews

  • Transsiberian 2008

    ★★★½ Rewatched 15 Jun, 2012 3

    Starts off like a modern-day "The Lady Vanishes" and then bounces jerkily around before ending up as a somewhat standard thriller that teeters on the brink of Generic Action Movie at the end but pulls back. The whole thing is rather sloppy and relies on a combination of extreme contrivance (oh no drugs are falling out of my backpack! please don't look at the next picture on my camera!) and bafflingly stupid actions from Emily Mortimer (going off into the…

  • Project X 2012

    ½ Watched 07 Jul, 2012 2

    This will make you hate:
    (a) yourself for watching it
    (b) every entitled asshole character and America in general
    (c) the world for letting it exist; the state of humanity

    If you like this movie--even "ironically"--you need to be fucking destroyed.