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  • Man of Steel 2013

    ½ Watched 02 Jun, 2014

    This review reportedly contains spoilers. I can handle the truth.

  • Maleficent 2014

    Watched 31 May, 2014

    Not since Beowulf have I seen a movie that more bastardizes a classic tale, and just as in Beowulf, Maleficent’s one major flaw is that it completely ignores the entire point of the source material in favor of cynicism. Unlike Beowulf, it takes the bizarre turn of being light-hearted and cheerful.

    We all know Maleficent. She’s Disney’s most prominent villain, and she’s been terrifying us for fifty-five years now. What makes her such a great villain is that she is…

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  • A Million Ways to Die in the West 2014

    ½ Watched 30 May, 2014

    This movie sucks.

    That's it. That's really all I have to say about this movie. I don't hate it, but my feelings toward this movie are about as strong as they can be without completely hating it. It's a comedy and it is not funny. It's less than two hours long but it feels like two-and-a-half. Nobody in my audience enjoyed themselves. There is nothing more to say about this complete waste of time. But you know me, I'm not…

  • The Amazing Spider-Man 2 2014

    ★½ Watched 02 May, 2014

    There’s one term that comes to mind when working out The Amazing Spider-Man 2 in my head: Shaggy Dog Story. A Shaggy Dog Story is one which builds up over time, becoming more and more complicated, until ultimately having a completely disappointing or underwhelming conclusion. That is The Amazing Spider-Man 2 in a nutshell.

    Don’t get me wrong though, there are a lot of things I really enjoyed in this film, and I’ll address those later. First, I want to…