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  • The Cobbler

    The Cobbler 2014

    Watched 24 Aug, 2015

    I have you ever looked into someone's eyes and just know that they've completely given up? It's not apathy or even lethargy, they just no longer have any concern about their life or what happens around them.

    This is Adam Sandler in The Cobbler.

    Not his character, Max Simkin, but Adam Sandler himself. Max is apathetic, Adam has given up.

    I almost died watching this. I should not have been sober.

    It's not that it's poorly directed or "not funny"…

  • I Want to Marry Ryan Banks

    I Want to Marry Ryan Banks 2004

    Watched 20 Aug, 2015

    This made for TV movie is a typical ABC Family / Hallmark / Lifetime rom-com shitfest. It's full of blanant misogyny, direct rip offs of current (at the time) pop culture, a straight up knock-off/parody of The Bachelor and Jason Priestley at his Priestley-est.

    Most importantly Bradlyeth Cooperstien stars in this. Yes, three years AFTER Wet Hot American Summer, the American Sniper himself did an ABC Family, made for TV movie.

    It's terrible, hilarious, predictable face-palmingly bad, and I enjoyed every minute of it.

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  • Under the Skin

    Under the Skin 2013

    ★★★★½ Watched 01 Jul, 2014 2

    This review reportedly contains spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    I took a day to ruminate on this film.

    That was a good idea.

    Scarlett Johansson has slowly, but surely proven herself to be a very capable actress. Her sexiness in this film is not heavy handed in the least, which I half expected. However, her performance is chillingly real and seductive. The use of real people and hidden cameras brings this story much closer to reality.

    Long shots, extremely wide shots, and the grey Scotland countryside give a subtle…

  • Transformers: Age of Extinction

    Transformers: Age of Extinction 2014

    ★½ Watched 28 Jun, 2014

    I won't say that it was good, or even that entertaining. It's a total turd. But, it's the Bayiest Micheal Bay movie ever Bayed. Which means it's nothing but one-liners and explosions. It's a good turn your brain off film. Nothing more. No real cinematic story. Just lots of splosions.