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  • The Danish Girl

    The Danish Girl 2015

    ½ Watched 17 Jan, 2016

    Nope.

    Nope, no, no, FUCK NO.

    While Tom Hooper is famous for polishing a turd, this film doesn't have enough shine in it's entire runtime to make up for even one backward-ass scene.

    Before I tear into this dog-shit, cash in, disgrace anymore, please take the time to read Sally Jane Black's magnificent essay review.

    Everyone's story is important, and fictionalizing someone's real life happens a least a little bit in every screen adaptation. Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is closer…

  • The Lords of Salem

    The Lords of Salem 2012

    ★½ Watched 16 Jan, 2016

    "How Not to Direct A Film" by Rob Zombie

    I tried, but I could not find any character connection, empathy or ability to quell my laughter at the ridiculousness of the plot and the chaotic naked witch dancing.

    One star for effort, a half star for a butt shot.

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  • Under the Skin

    Under the Skin 2014

    ★★★★½ Watched 01 Jul, 2014 2

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    I took a day to ruminate on this film.

    That was a good idea.

    Scarlett Johansson has slowly, but surely proven herself to be a very capable actress. Her sexiness in this film is not heavy handed in the least, which I half expected. However, her performance is chillingly real and seductive. The use of real people and hidden cameras brings this story much closer to reality.

    Long shots, extremely wide shots, and the grey Scotland countryside give a subtle…

  • Transformers: Age of Extinction

    Transformers: Age of Extinction 2014

    ★½ Watched 28 Jun, 2014

    I won't say that it was good, or even that entertaining. It's a total turd. But, it's the Bayiest Micheal Bay movie ever Bayed. Which means it's nothing but one-liners and explosions. It's a good turn your brain off film. Nothing more. No real cinematic story. Just lots of splosions.