How about The Amazing Spider-Ass? That scene when he lies down on the street and the helicopter highlights his ass. +100 points. But then the crane scene towards the end comes and James Horner's rousing score on the background. Silly. -100 points.
I'm Spider-Man and I can take away an internship from someone who might have been striving for it anytime I want.
I'm Spider-Man and accompanying my girlfriend at her father's funeral is too awkward that's why I sneak on top of a church.
I'm Peter Parker. I know scientific stuff, that's why when scientific spiders fell on me I didn't run away because I wanted to get bitten.
I'm Peter Parker. I got inspiration for my mask and costume when I absurdly fell down from the roof.
I'm Peter Parker and my uncle died because I didn't have two cents in my pocket.
I'm Peter Parker. I have a touch-screen cellphone, but I forgot I had it to call the ambulance when my uncle got shot.
I'm called the Amazing Spider-Man because I never forget to buy eggs for my beloved auntie after fighting a giant lizard.