"Whenever there's trouble, you want to be with the Turtles." What if the trouble is the Turtles? A nightmarish Michael Bay hellscape where everyone is a frat reject dudebro, where any semblance of the characters you may know and love are crushed underfoot in a tidal wave of muscle cars, explosions, Megan Fox and Will Arnett "acting", fart jokes, insulting technobabble, Tyler Perry's giggles boring into my skull, and a lazy, incompetent plot that assumes that because we're dealing with talking, pizza-eating mutant turtles that the audience must be completely retarded. Fuck you, Michael Bay.
+It's a clear imitator of The Thing, which means that it's gonna have weird alien parasite monsters, and that's always a plus in my book.
+The practical monster effects are pretty fun, given the budget (it's crowdfunded if I'm not mistaken).
+Lance Henriksen being Lance Henriksen, which is fine.
-It's a clear imitator of The Thing, which means it's going to be compared to a much more competent film with better...well everything.
-While Lance is fine, no one…
This has been on my watch list for a long time, mostly from when I was knocking out zombie movies left and right. Having finally watched it, it's total rubbish. The zombies are the worst kind of lazy, just green makeup and maybe a bit of plastic hanging off. The film ambles along, accomplishing largely nothing and basically assumes the viewer won't care because there's skin on display. The "kind-hearted zombie" is bizarre and poorly developed. There is zero attempt at making the movie scary, funny or even interesting. Really, aside from the concept of a lake full of undead, there's little to love here.