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  • The Matrix Reloaded 2003

    ★★★ Rewatched 09 Jul, 2014

    Orgasm Cake.

  • Maleficent 2014

    ★★★★★ Watched 09 Jul, 2014

    PRINCE (riding in): I'm looking for a girl.
    JOLIE: Of course you are. *knocks PRINCE out*

    How can you dislike a film in which that happens? I mean seriously.

  • Belle 2014

    ★★★★ Watched 09 Jul, 2014

    Despite breaking several UK laws by being a period drama in which Maggie Smith does not star, Belle is still a fantastic, if formulaic, film.

  • The Matrix 1999

    ★★★★ Rewatched 08 Jul, 2014

    The Matrix is good, but let's get real for a second. It's no Speed Racer.

  • The One 2001

    ★★★★ Watched 07 Jul, 2014 1

    [Let The Bodies Hit The Floor Plays]
    That's one.

    [Down With The Sickness Plays]
    That's two!

    ...

    ...

    are they gonna

    are they

    the movie's almost over

    are they

    ...

    [Last Resort plays]
    THAT'S THREE THEY DID THE TRIFECTA, ALL THREE OF THE CLASSIC NU METAL EMO SONGS OH PERFECT WHAT A FINISH, WHAT A FINISH, THEY'LL BE HAVING A DRINK WITH THE BOYS LATER THAT'S FOR SURE, A WONDERFUL WONDERFUL SHOW

  • Transformers: The Movie 1986

    ★★★ Rewatched 06 Jul, 2014

    Let's be clear: this isn't a good film. The animation is poor, the pacing is all over the place, the film can't tonally keep in line for more than three minutes, and the soundtrack is almost completely at odds with the action.

    But hell, when it works it works, and for a film that is in every way a cynical advertisement and cash in, it doesn't rest on its laurels, it goes all out.

  • The Blues Brothers 1980

    ★★★★★ Watched 06 Jul, 2014

    Back In Five Minutes.

  • Transformers: Age of Extinction 2014

    Watched 05 Jul, 2014

    It's not false advertising. It really is an age, and it really does stink.

  • Galaxy Quest 1999

    ★★★★★ Rewatched 30 Jun, 2014

    Still the second best Star Trek film.

  • Halo 4: Forward Unto Dawn 2012

    Watched 01 Jul, 2014

    BOOOOOOOOOOOOOORIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING

  • How to Train Your Dragon 2 2014

    ★★ Watched 29 Jun, 2014

    How to Train Your Dragon's two film saga is a frustrating mix of complex ideas communicated emotionally and a fuckton of boring cop outs. Ostensibly the first film is about one son's rejection of a violent patriarchy, but that film ends in a place so disappointingly weak as to render almost all the goodwill it earns empty.

    How To Train Your Dragon 2 is more of the same, introducing the character Valka, who had the possibility to not only excuse…

  • How to Train Your Dragon 2010

    ★★★ Watched 29 Jun, 2014

    How To Train Your Dragon is a good film that could have been great if it's central metaphor wasn't so toothless.