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  • Machete Kills 2013

    ★★ Watched 20 Oct, 2014

    The faux-trailer for Machete was a terrific short film in its own right, but stretching it out to feature length turned it into a one-note grind; Robert Rodriguez's sensibilities make for what approximates the minstrel shows of exploitation movies, which tap into the genre's surface pleasures but package them for an audience that would lose interest if something completely "Whoaaaaaaa!" wasn't happening every thirty seconds.

    Given that Machete Kills opens with a trailer for its sequel and then an opening…

  • Silent Night, Deadly Night 1984

    ★★½ Rewatched 19 Oct, 2014 1

    Not the original murder-Santa movie, or the best, but the most infamous, spawning four sequels (only two of which had a murder Santa) and an arguable remake (based on a truly sick-fuck true-crime incident).

    It spends a lot of time on the developing psychopathy of its central character, including what has to be the most egregious display of holiday-related caregiver insensitivity until Jamie Lloyd was made to take part in her orphanarium's 1989 Halloween celebration. After that he seems like…

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  • The Haunted Palace 1963

    ★★★½ Rewatched 10 Dec, 2013

    Whoa, a Poe/Lovecraft mashup, from prime Roger Corman, starring Vincent Price? Be still my raging boner.

    I don't often dig up my old Cavalcade Of Schlock reviews but I did with this one because I wanted to know if I'd seen this before. I had, and I apparently had quite a crush on the leading lady.

    Like in The Pit And The Pendulum, it doesn't start as a pure villain performance but it sure ends up there, Price throwing in maybe one part the well-baked ham to two parts the icewater in his veins.

    Debra Paget - worth crushing on.

  • Prince of Darkness 1987

    ★★★★ Rewatched 02 Oct, 2013

    Of all of John Carpenter's movies, this is his John Carpenteriest. Longtime fans can see all the points where he's homage-ing the shit out of himself and everything of which he's a big dorky fan.

    As a movie, it suffers a bit from promising too much. It's one thing to promise what it promises in the title, but the first 25 minutes are a stirring, profound-sounding discussion on the way "classical reality" breaks down on a subatomic level and that…