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  • Undisputed II: Last Man Standing

    Undisputed II: Last Man Standing 2006

    ★★★ Watched 05 Dec, 2016

    The Ving Rhames character from Undisputed pulls a face turn, just in time to be recast with Michael Jai White. This is for the best, for a couple of reasons. Rhames can go mean n' evil effortlessly, and he played a guy who went to prison for rape; White is a little too charming and cheerful to do it without hamming it up a bit, and nobody brings up the rape, it's all but reconned out.

    Secondly, much of the…

  • Super Mario Bros.

    Super Mario Bros. 1993

    ★½ Watched 04 Dec, 2016

    My awareness of the whole Super Mario Bros. thing has a giant gap into which this movie fell - pretty much cuts off after Donkey Kong, and only vaguely got awoken in the 21st century by playing a few Nintendo party games and wishing I was playing something where I was killing something. I did get the soundtrack. Megadeth and Joe Satriani, yo!

    This is, famously, terrible. It is a perfectly 90's kind of terrible, where the husband-and-wife director team…

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  • Mad Max: Fury Road

    Mad Max: Fury Road 2015

    ★★★★½ Watched 16 May, 2015 2

    George Miller had been talking about this - or at least, had been persistently asked about it in interviews - for like twenty years now, and I don't know what's different about now that he finally got around to making it but I'm glad he did. The response on this has been gobsmacking, though I was willing to chalk a fair bit of it up to Peak Gen-X Nostalgia, and it coming at a good time to be heralded as…

  • The Human Centipede 3 (Final Sequence)

    The Human Centipede 3 (Final Sequence) 2015

    Watched 25 Jan, 2016

    Tom Six, like a lot of people whose art is childishly offensive and basically stupid, considers himself a warrior for free speech. (o, how hard he fights. On Twitter.) He dresses like the French guy in Raiders Of The Lost Ark and has so far shown the world exactly one idea, which he's flogged out for three movies now. I am caught between befuddlement and admiration.

    This third gulp at the can dispenses with the dropout-Cronenberg medical horror of the…