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  • The Patriot 1998

    Watched 25 Oct, 2014

    Oh my god, he's a cowboy STEVEN SEAGAL PLAYS A COWBOY IN THIS MOVIE EVERYBODY

    Now, not just any cowboy. Obviously he's a cowboy with Steven Seagal's particular set of skills. And a...patriot? No, actually the title's in reference to the villain, who's one of them "Git you gun-grabbin feds offa my land!" types, who takes it upon himself to spread this virus, which

    WAIT, he's a DOCTOR? Seagal's playing a doctor. He says conventional western medicine wants to profit…

  • Jason X 2001

    ★★★ Rewatched 25 Oct, 2014

    Even goofier than part 6, with lots of sight gags and stoner humour and everything - this is as comedic as the series got, containing many of its best laughs. (#1 still goes to Katherine Isabelle in FvJ.) But having taken forever to get made and longer still to actually get a release over here (no genre has as many "sat on the shelf for two years" releases as horror, it seems), it was probably inevitable that Jason X's theatrical…

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  • The Haunted Palace 1963

    ★★★½ Rewatched 10 Dec, 2013

    Whoa, a Poe/Lovecraft mashup, from prime Roger Corman, starring Vincent Price? Be still my raging boner.

    I don't often dig up my old Cavalcade Of Schlock reviews but I did with this one because I wanted to know if I'd seen this before. I had, and I apparently had quite a crush on the leading lady.

    Like in The Pit And The Pendulum, it doesn't start as a pure villain performance but it sure ends up there, Price throwing in maybe one part the well-baked ham to two parts the icewater in his veins.

    Debra Paget - worth crushing on.

  • Prince of Darkness 1987

    ★★★★ Rewatched 02 Oct, 2013

    Of all of John Carpenter's movies, this is his John Carpenteriest. Longtime fans can see all the points where he's homage-ing the shit out of himself and everything of which he's a big dorky fan.

    As a movie, it suffers a bit from promising too much. It's one thing to promise what it promises in the title, but the first 25 minutes are a stirring, profound-sounding discussion on the way "classical reality" breaks down on a subatomic level and that…