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  • Everly

    Everly 2015

    ★★★½ Watched 25 Aug, 2015

    Dear Hollywood Executives,

    Have you guys considered putting Salma Hayek in more things?

    No? You haven't?

    Oh, that's right. I always forget that you guys are pretty dumb.

    Never mind, then. Forget I said anything. Just keep on doing what you're doing, idiots. I'm sure it'll all work out...

  • Fantastic Four

    Fantastic Four 2015

    ★★★ Watched 09 Aug, 2015

    Man alive, it feels good to be a contrarian... especially when you wind up liking something that everyone else seems to hate.

    I'm not going to lie like the movie doesn't have some serious third act problems... which are more or less the same third act problems that pretty much every summer blockbuster has these days.

    But it's a brand new and very interesting take on superhero movies at a time when there DESPERATELY needs to be a new and interesting take on superhero movies. Which has to count for something...

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  • The Hitcher

    The Hitcher 1986

    ★★★★ Watched 31 Oct, 2012 1

    I'm not entirely sure this movie makes any sense whatsoever.

    Could not matter less. Rutger Hauer is the God damned devil in this one.

    Highly recommended.

  • White Zombie

    White Zombie 1932

    ★★★ Watched 23 Oct, 2012 2

    This is a horror movie from 1932 that takes place in Haiti and features Bela Lugosi as a voodoo priest.

    And yet somehow, it manages to be far LESS racist than the John Wayne movie I watched earlier today.

    Take as long as you need to process that.