Makes STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS and the TRANSFORMERS movies look like models of narrative coherence and logic. But making any sort of sense was clearly not an aim here -- it's just a reprise of every other blockbuster of recent years (magic blood! everyone's connected in a secret history! a villainous plot to unleash something terrible from atop a New York skyscraper!). There's no personality. It looks terrible. It feels chopped to bits. The titular characters are supporting roles in their own movie and aren't fun. It's just... most kinds of bad.