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  • Ready Player One

    Ready Player One

    ★★★

    A movie about a socioeconomically broken world and its religious connection to media that is faced with a nefarious corporation that tries to exploit it for billions of dollars? What I'm trying to say is Speilberg knew about covid-19 and did nothing.

  • Bridesmaids

    Bridesmaids

    ★★½

    Tim Heidecker having literally zero lines of dialogue in this is unforgivable.

  • Locke

    Locke

    ★★★★

    Are We There Yet? for the A24 crowd.

  • The Seventh Seal

    The Seventh Seal

    ★★★★

    Final Destination for the medieval crowd.

  • Star Trek Into Darkness

    Star Trek Into Darkness

    ★★

    The lack of a colon in the title is ironic because this film is shit.

  • A Rainy Day in New York

    A Rainy Day in New York

    ★½

    One can only hope Woody Allen has run out of toilet paper in quarantine and is using his unproduced screenplays as backup.

  • Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

    Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

    ★½

    *Bernie Sanders voice*

    "No more Star Wars!"

  • The Invisible Man

    The Invisible Man

    ★★★★

    Elisabeth Moss spends so much of this reacting to negative space so compellingly I'm convinced she could turn invisible for her next film and still be the best thing on screen.

  • Gigli

    Gigli

    ½

    "God bless you, penis."

  • Portrait of a Lady on Fire

    Portrait of a Lady on Fire

    ★★★★½

    The French word for "perfect" (in the feminine) is "parfaite" which is something you literally can't spell Portrait of a Lady on Fire without.

  • Parasite

    Parasite

    ★★★★½

    I don't smoke but these Bong hits are tasty.

  • Uncut Gems

    Uncut Gems

    ★★★★½

    This film was meant to be seen in 35mm. Darius Khondji is the GOAT.