Miami Connection ★★

"Only through the elimination of violence can we achieve world peace."

Miami Connection is truly a bit of bizarre 80s cinema. Uncovered and released by Drafthouse films last year, it centers on a pop-band group of Taekwondo experts who fight ninja drug cartels in Orlando. It's as absolutley 80s as you can get, and it's less a 'melting pot' of cinema influence and more a straight-up patchwork quilt that jumps genre-to-genre with almost every scene. We get individual scenes that are ripped off straight from:

-Any 80s ninja movie
-Any 80s synth music-video (including three separate full music-video performances of Taekwondo band 'Dragon Sound')
-Miami Vice
-Biker gangs (there's a 5-minute segment ripped seemingly direct out of a Dennis Hopper 70s biker movie)
-Hall and Oates. Well, a 'Dragon Sound' band member is a dead ringer for John Oates.
-Scarface (brother-sister melodrama in a sleazy club anyone?)
-The Warriors

This truly is a "so bad it's good" gem that I can only imagine would have gone over like gangbusters with a packed house of movie-fest geeks.

Watching on your own, however, Miami Conneciton like most of these entertaining train-wreck movies suffers. There are still some nose-snort laughs to be had, but unless you're either drunk, high, or with a group of friends who are drunk or high, you're likely going to get the same modicum of entertainment that I did (and I was drinking during this).

It's a hard one to give a star rating to, but at the end of the day I definitely would not recommend to anyone unless they are well into one of the aforementioned categories needed to enjoy this weird curiosity.

PS - The quote at the top comes out of absolutely nowhere as a final title card after the last scene.