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  • The Hobbit

    The Hobbit

    ★★★

    Note to Hollywood: When you inevitably reboot this property, if there could be some sort of middle ground between the 77 minutes of animated Hobbit here and the 474 minutes of Hobbit that Warner Bros. and New Line vomited out, that would be ideal. In terms of animation vs. live action, maybe do a sort-of Looney Tunes: Back in Action sort of thing. I don't care. As long as we can call a mulligan on those 2010s Hobbit films and…

  • Gray's Anatomy

    Gray's Anatomy

    ★★★½

    The first 10 minutes of this are more excruciating and terrifying than any horror movie I've ever seen. This includes Un Chien Andalou, Saw II, 28 Weeks Later, Hostel, Evil Dead II, Friday the 13th 3D, Opera, A Clockwork Orange (even after hearing about McDowell's real-life cornea scratch), and the most terrifying moment in the television program Spongebob Squarepants (where I first learned what a cornea was, and how delicate they are).

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  • Big Money Hustlas

    Big Money Hustlas

    ½

    Well, movies, we had a good run. And I really thought we were going to make this last for the long haul, I really did. We've shared a lot of great memories (remember that one time, you know, with all the cars, and the one car goes from one skyscraper into the other skyscraper? That was a good one). But for all the excitement, the vulnerability, the intimacy, the passion, we both knew something was going to get in the…

  • Wrinkles the Clown

    Wrinkles the Clown

    ★★★½

    Sometimes I hate when documentaries lie to me. Sometimes, I love it.