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  • Kickboxer

    Kickboxer

    ★★★★

    (WARNING: Kinda spoilery stuff ahead for a nearly 30-year-old movie where perhaps the star of the film may or may not come out on top)

    I hadn't watched KICKBOXER in at least 20 years, and over time my memory had shaped it as some kind of half-decent kickpuncher that only stood out for being Early Van Damme. I didn't even bother watching it again while re-watching the sequels, but that had more to do with not having it on my…

  • I, Frankenstein

    I, Frankenstein

    ★★½

    (WARNING TO FELLOW LETTERBOXD'RS: Watching this film may cause severe Gene Shalit-like symptoms regarding the title)

    The 3D Blu was only $5 at Best Buy and there was some hash oil left in my vape pen, so why not?

    I gotta give it points for a nifty brief prologue that includes the quickest Fuck-A-Cliff-Notes synopsis of the original Frankenstein story, (only it was told from the monster's perspective) right before some 12-year-old kid takes over the storytelling by adding demons…

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  • Eastern Promises

    Eastern Promises

    ★★★★

    In the past few years, people have been coming down on my man The Crones by accusing him of "selling out", simply because there's no chest vaginas or people getting off on horrific shit in a sex-type way. These motherfuckers are just too scared when a motherfucker zigs rather than zags, which is what my boy has been doing with his most recent joints. They don't notice that he's still making serious adult films for fuckin' serious adults. Also, I…

  • Spider

    Spider

    ★★★★½

    So you've seen A Beautiful Mind and came out of it feeling good -- well, here comes David Cronenberg to pimp slap you dead in the fuckin' face and say "Uh-uh, bitch. Doesn't work that way."

    Goddamn. This movie is languid like a muthafucka, and yet I'm feeling all tensed up like I was watching Speed or something. Probably because you're watching Ralph Fiennes give quite possibly his best performance EVAAAAR as one of these schizo dudes, muttering to himself…