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  • Dark Blue

    Dark Blue

    ★★★★½

    When it comes to the awesome man known as Kurt Russell, people tend to bring up his work with John Carpenter or films like TOMBSTONE or OVERBOARD or USED CARS. But rarely do I see people mention DARK BLUE, which might not be his best film, but it is easily my pick for Kurt Russell's best work as an actor.

    There are moments here where he's so goddamn natural that it doesn't feel like I'm watching Kurt Russell play a…

  • Erotic Games in the Third Galaxy

    Erotic Games in the Third Galaxy

    ★★½

    Goofy-ass Italian space adventure, this one.

    The version I watched on YouTube was titled STAR CRASH II, which makes sense because all the special effects sequences come from STAR CRASH uno. Except for the female lead sharing the same last name as Caroline Munro's character from the first film, there is no connection between movies. Although it's easy to imagine both films being in the same universe -- even easier when you consider the same exact shots of space being…

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  • Eastern Promises

    Eastern Promises

    ★★★★

    In the past few years, people have been coming down on my man The Crones by accusing him of "selling out", simply because there's no chest vaginas or people getting off on horrific shit in a sex-type way. These motherfuckers are just too scared when a motherfucker zigs rather than zags, which is what my boy has been doing with his most recent joints. They don't notice that he's still making serious adult films for fuckin' serious adults. Also, I…

  • Six Degrees of Separation

    Six Degrees of Separation

    ★★★½

    Rizzo from GREASE and her husband President Snow from THE HUNGER GAMES are entertaining Gandalf from THE LORD OF THE RINGS in their niiiiice Fifth Avenue apartment (they have money) when all of a sudden their lives get flipped turned upside down when the Fresh Prince shows up at their door bleeding and talking in an overly affected manner about how he was just Central Park'd by some muggers.

    They take him in, tend to his wound, and the whole…