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  • American Assassin

    American Assassin

    ★★★

    This will play beautifully after midnight on TNT for years. Shout-out to my boy Keaton for chewing the scenery appropriately. Negative points for not casting Adkins in the Kitsch role or the O'Brien role.

  • mother!

    mother!

    ★★★★

    mother! has been out in LA for three days, and I've had three different people try to explain to me in public that "mother! is an allegory for religion, it's Genesis, it's Revelation, it's--"

    Let me stop you right there. If you use the phrase "you see, it's an allegory for religion" in a conversation with human beings, you deserve to be punched in your smug, stupid face. Frankly, I don't give a shit about your read. I don't care…

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  • Passengers

    Passengers

    ½

    In this theater, no one could hear me scream.

  • Sucker Punch

    Sucker Punch

    ½

    In case you were wondering, this is still one the ugliest, most brainless, most unpleasant, and most fucking terrible movies made in your lifetime.