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  • Foodfight!

    Foodfight!

    ½

    Foodfight is an absolute abomination and, to be honest, made me feel hungry. Oh sweet tuna potato chip butter raisin clean sauce! So, y'know I said recently that 'The Love Guru' was the worst film I've ever watched? Well, step aside because we have a new champion! No. No. Nooo. NO! I'm not going to do this to you guys, you all deserve better. Sixty five million dollars was spent on making this, and I can't find the words to…

  • BloodRayne

    BloodRayne

    BloodRayne soaks itself in thin, washable and extremely irritant blood. At that point in time, the master of direction that is Uwe Boll had already conceived two video game adaptations that were critically panned. His third attempt was no different. Now, I've not played the video game that this film is based on, but have seen footage and am aware of its gameplay style. Aside from the sheer amount of gore and improvised action sequences, it pretty much neglects its…

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  • Dragonball Evolution

    Dragonball Evolution

    ½

    Dragonball Evolution made me "Kamehameha" my TV. Listen, if you're going to adapt a thirteen episode season of a beloved anime into a film that is less than 80 minutes long, atleast try to capture the essence of the source material. Ladies and gentlemen, what we have here are shoddy cosplayers reenacting a script that was clearly written during a short lunch break as the writer was watching a completely different anime at the time, because sweet starry balls this…

  • Bohemian Rhapsody

    Bohemian Rhapsody

    ★★★

    Bohemian Rhapsody isn't the kingly biopic of Queen that it thinks it is. Possibly the most frustrating cinema experience I've had all year. Why? Squandered potential. It's Queen. Quite possibly the biggest rock band to ever exist. Influential to millions. Idolised by thousands. The risks they took with their musicality and stage appearances were aspirational. And yet here we have a biopic that, whilst undoubtedly entertaining, just doesn't know what it wants to be. Chronicling the formation of Queen, Freddie…