I feel like if Hawkeye had started duel wielding earlier on in the movie he probably could've beaten the English and French himself.
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Ghostbusters: Afterlife 2021
As soon as Paul Rudd showed up with charisma and humour, I was like "Yeah, remember when all four of the Ghostbusters were like this?? and they were like this right at the start and then for the whole movie???"
Don't get me wrong, Mckenna Grace is great, but largely because she's the only one interested in actual science and the mystery stuff early on. I get and admire that GB is all about capitalism and the common man but…
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Godzilla Minus One 2023
Caught it in a small screening and out of the smattering of adults there was a boy and his mum. Didn't hear any cheering or crying, we leave quietly and politely in the UK (I waited for my tears to dry before getting up), and I half wondered if he was expecting a giant monkey to show up.
But a part of me was jealous this kid got to see a Japanese Godzilla movie on the big screen and it just happened to be one of the best.
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The Pope's Exorcist 2023
This is how you do a Conjuring movie, by shamelessly rushing through every beat until you run out of cliches by the hour mark and then say fuck it let's just do Evil Dead for the ending.
Father Amorth, like the Warrens, is a real person who did 'real' exorcisms and Russell Crowe plays him like Ash Williams, like Army of Darkness Ash Williams. He's the coolest motherfucker in the Vatican and he knows it, even Satan knows it which…
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Haul Out the Holly 2022
This feels like an overstatement but it isn't, this film gives me the exact same fight or flight anxiety as any Ari Aster film.
Everyone in it is insane, manipulative, and just unpleasant. I genuinely cannot tell if this is trying to present HOA's as a festive paradise or the actual nightmare they really are. At one point she tears up a citation and asks what the consequence is and her 'love interest' says in a smarmy way 2 hours…
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Santa's Got Style 2022
A very simple TV Christmas movie and also a bizarrely minimalist remake of Mrs Doubtfire except instead of incredibly transformative prosthetics it's just a fake beard and instead of Robin Williams doing another manic persona it's just the dude doing a lightly lowered voice and instead of Harvey Fierstein it's just some gay best friend but Scott Thompson is in it so close enough.
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Five Nights at Freddy's 2023
Best thing I can say about the FNAF movie is it's absolutely perfect for it's age rating (PG-13/15) which is also it's target demographic. 30yo me didn't jump once but this is the new movie parents warn their kids not to watch at sleepovers and then get woken up by the shrieks
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The Exorcist 1973
Saw the 50th anniversary on the big screen, fuck me it felt like the cinema was getting colder during that third act
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Mindcage 2022
Everyone is saying Silence of the Lambs and Se7en, but about midway through the movie you'll realise they're just copying an episode of The X-Files.
The thing that sucks most is that the very ending, the second twist, is actually pretty cool. It's a shame that there's one single plot point in this movie that isn't predictable.