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  • The Great Wall

    The Great Wall

    ★★★

    "I'll decide if it's great or not. It might end up being the 'All Right Wall of China'” - Karl Pilkington

  • Scary Movie 2

    Scary Movie 2

    ★½

    Much like Scream 2, the original was a huge success (if only financial) and everyone knew the inevitable sequel had to be bigger, bolder, and even better. In both cases they failed though Scream 2 is a decent follow-up and Scary Movie 2 is not decent. At all, really.

    Parody and satire are two forms of comedy that overlap well. Parody to be making fun of a particular film while satire targets an institution or ideal. The first Scream satirized…

  • Scary Movie

    Scary Movie

    ★★★

    Coming out in 2000, the Wayans and their parody entrepenuers were up against another film taking the piss out of the Scream license, that being Scream 3. One would end a franchise (for a while) that started with greatness and the other would start another franchise that wish it could be as clever as the other film however dumb it is.

    Much how Craven revisited Woodsboro eleven years later, there was a morbid curiosity in seeing if sixteen years later…

  • Halloween: Resurrection

    Halloween: Resurrection

    ★½

    Like an old man trying to understand how to use their grandchild's tablet, Resurrection is an irony riddled attempt from a film in 2002 trying to defibrillate a franchise started in 1978. Given this is the eighth and last of the canon series, it seems fitting for the man that started it all returning to end it. Not Carpenter of course, but Rosenthal who directed the pleasantly fine second entry that helped popularize the killer that just refuses to kick…

  • Turbo Kid

    Turbo Kid

    ★★★★

    Like Kung Fury and Hobo With a Shotgun before it, Simard, Whissell, and Whissell have adapted the aesthetic and nostalgia of bygone cinematic eras to deliver their own passionate stories from the heart.

    With such cartoon vibrancy Turbo Kid could almost be mistaken for a family film. Only making the playful and inventive bloodshed more shocking in a fun blend of Tarantino slickness and Romero creativity. The resourceful cinematography squeezes the most out of sparse locations with a purposefully minimalist…

  • Hush

    Hush

    ★★★½

    If an original horror film can achieve any chance of standing out in the genre, it needs to be, well, original. A unique premise or story-telling device to hook genre fans and non alike in. Hush delivers the torment and endurance through the perspective of a deaf-mute but mars them in an entertaining if fairly underwhelming home invasion formula.

    Entirely competent best describes the success of Hush. The expectancy to be so intrigued by the heroine's condition as to be…

  • Insidious: Chapter 2

    Insidious: Chapter 2

    ★★★

    Tobe Hooper made the often-cited scariest movie ever made, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. For twelve years, fans demanded more but how could Hooper top what was claimed perfection? A balls to the wall parody of the original was the only way to find new insanity.

    Horror tag team Wan and Whannell struck the same success, almost 100 times profit on their budget. Insidious 2 was a no-brainer and although they don't go for broke like Hooper, this sequel possesses the…

  • Mindhunters

    Mindhunters

    ★★★½

    Director Renny Harlin is very much a paracinematic man, and his particular brand of style fits perfectly in the early 2000s aesthetic of excess. High concept thrillers such as Speed rely on an exponentially thrilling pace. Moving the plot along faster than the viewer brain can comprehend the inherent silliness of the core concept.

    Since Fincher's Se7en, thrillers have taken the macabre turn in the crime genre. Reaching the point of Wan's Saw set within one of those trials of…

  • The Mystical Adventures of Billy Owens

    The Mystical Adventures of Billy Owens

    ★★½

    Audiences need a conduit for a fantastical story. A reflection of ourselves that perceive and explore the fictional world as we do. Some remember the unfair banality of childhood of Harry Potter, others still feel the comfortable naivety of Frodo Baggins.

    Never more have I related to the wizard mentor William Thurgood here; worn down, bewildered, dying inside. That could just be Roddy Piper.

    If Chris Columbus adapted the book Harry Potter, then Mark McNabb must've adapted the skim-read blurb.…

  • Would You Rather

    Would You Rather

    ½

    David Guy Levy appears to deliver the classier Saw. Less gratuitous gore and convoluted storytelling in exchange for performance led suspense and a simple question. I would rather not after watching this once.

    While not offering any substance, the Saw franchise still offers an exceedingly ridiculous experience. This film is the poor horror equivalent of Gerry; meandering, senseless, and without story. If Saw can be criticized on the shallow and misguided morality tale, any thematic inkling would be welcome here.…

  • R.I.P.D.

    R.I.P.D.

    ★★

    Robert Schwentke attempts to replicate Men In Black with ghosts, what we get is Men In Black 2 with ghosts.

    The story adapted from a comic would probably fair better as a Saturday morning cartoon. The zany story is under cooked with wild abandon to logic and pacing. Much like the Deados escaping afterlife beurocracy, the premise is constantly trying to wrangle free of the tired film formula. The supernatural macguffin well known for thousands of years only takes average…

  • Laid to Rest

    Laid to Rest

    ½

    Laid to Rest is the reason I stopped visiting Bloody-Disgusting.

    It became obvious after the unwavering praise this received from the genre community. The horror genre can be devoid of any substance that makes cinema great as long as the gore is plentiful. I love cinema. I appreciate horror. This film is fundamentally lacking in both love and appreciation towards basic film making.

    If Robert Green Hall had the intent of parody, he may have created the perfect study of…