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  • Moonstruck

    Moonstruck

    ★★★

    This movie peaked when Nick Cage started screaming at Cher about how his brother made him chop his own hand off. Also somehow the most Italian movie ever made that isn't a gangster film.

  • The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge on the Run

    The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge on the Run

    This is just a plug for a stupid spinoff that the original creator never wanted in the first place. Fuck that. They quite literally stop the movie at the climax to plug the prequel spinoff for like 15 minutes. Stephen Hillenburg is rolling in his grave.

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  • Watchmen

    Watchmen

    ½

    I wouldn't trust anyone's opinion who rates this higher than half a star.

  • Cats

    Cats

    ½

    uhh... Meow???