Velvet Buzzsaw ★★★½

here you go: the 9 main actors in this, each of whom are hot in their own special way, ranked by how hot i find them personally. yes I am also bothered that it’s not an even number: 

9. john malkovich
every time i see this guy it reminds me of when i was younger and found out he was a real person and not a spike jonze character. im still reeling from that initial shock 

8. tom sturridge
points given for the accent! and swiftly taken away for the mustache

7. rene russo
the sight of her reminds me of nightcrawler which stresses me out and oh god just talking about her does the same thing where are my pills

6. natalia dyer
she has the same face as timothee chalamet and makes me want to cut my hair shoulder length. all around conflicting emotions but she really is beautiful 

5. daveed diggs
every time i see him i smile so big!!!! but he vapes and my smile fades

4. zawe ashton
meghan markle’s career lives on! glad to see it

3. toni collette
the WIG okay the wig is absolutely heinous really does work for me. and her outfits! her BILLOWING pants! she can do no wrong

2. jake gyllenhaal
there is a giant digital billboard for this movie in times square and the other day i looked to my right and BAM! there’s a 500 ft-tall jake with awful bangs but sis really went all out for this one! his facial expressions and body language are almost as great as his delivery of “the admiration i had for your work has COMPLETELY EVAPORATED!”

1. billy magnussen 
the man, the myth, the icon with airpods...billy magnussen is undisputedly! the single most gorgeous person i have ever seen. his face. his smile. His Orms. he’s like an armani model who probably tips generously. and consistently funny! will be thinking about him at least twice a day for the rest of my life

more sexy movies about sexy people please! im very shallow

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