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  • Sharp Objects

    Sharp Objects

    ★★★★★

    it has now been made clear why true detective season 2 had to be sacrificed to the hbo gods

  • Manchester by the Sea

    Manchester by the Sea

    ★★★★★

    i wonder how many people glanced at the poster and thought this was a normal movie about an accidental pregnancy starring charlie day

  • Sgt. Stubby: An American Hero

    Sgt. Stubby: An American Hero

    ★★

    logan lerman please come out of hiding we’ve all forgotten about percy jackson! we won’t hold it against you!

  • Whiplash

    Whiplash

    ★★★★★

    with this and la la land damien chazelle has really mastered the art of the inflated male ego. excited to see armstrong physically shove buzz aldrin out of the way as he leaps onto the moon's surface in first man (2018)

  • Assassination Nation

    Assassination Nation

    ★★½

    it’s like if the concept of “eyeliner so sharp it could kill a man 💅” became a movie. but don’t worry! what this movie lacks in subtlety it makes up for in shitty forever 21 apparel and bill skarsgard’s scariest role yet: a high school boy

  • Uncle Drew

    Uncle Drew

    ★★★

    nick kroll PLEASE smear your eyeliner beard onto my body

  • Gone Girl

    Gone Girl

    ★★★★★

    finally coming around and forgiving david fincher for giving ben affleck first billing above rosamund pike....it’s okay fäther you may now come back with a new movie for we are starving

  • White Boy Rick

    White Boy Rick

    ★½

    im sorry? this? i paused my mrs maisel marathon for this? i sat through that damned girl in the spider’s web trailer for this? for the kid john mulaney was talking about when he said ‘some cheeto fingered, rat mustached 13 year old prick”? i felt like i was watching mid90s but didn’t even get the consolation lucas hedges. what the fuck

  • A Simple Favor

    A Simple Favor

    ★★★½

    me every time blake lively wasn’t on screen: god i wish i were looking at blake lively right now

  • Wildling

    Wildling

    ★★

    WANTED:

    are you/were you a twink on broadway from the years c. 2011-2015? preferably in the cast of NEWSIES? well i want to watch YOUR shitty movies! i don’t care if you have three lines or (more likely) zero! i don’t care if you’re only doing this because you wanted to leave your show before it closed, or if you just wanted to get out of new york. 

    after all, isn’t this why you went to juilliard? to do small…

  • John Mulaney: The Comeback Kid

    John Mulaney: The Comeback Kid

    ★★★★★

    you need to show dominance over your puppy!

  • Oh, Hello: On Broadway

    Oh, Hello: On Broadway

    ★★★★★

    RAVI
    my blood sugar is crashing

    will you get me a ferrero rocher chocolate
    or a lindt lindor truffle
    my favorite flavor
    is blue