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  • Beyond the Darkness

    Beyond the Darkness

    ★½

    Feels like this movie does nothing at all!

    Nothing at all!

    Nothing at all!

    Stupid sexy Joe D'Amato.

  • Bright

    Bright

    The twenty minutes of stammering Will Smith improv after the actual final "fight" of the film is possibly more painful and egregious than the clumsy racism parables, neverending rote firefights, or horrible dialog. You can go in thinking "well, it can't be *that* bad", but Bright tries really, really hard to be as terrible as most people say.

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  • Star Wars: The Last Jedi

    Star Wars: The Last Jedi

    ★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Points deducted for making me watch Luke Skywalker milk a space loch ness monster

  • Hot Rod

    Hot Rod

    ★★★½

    So, cool beans?

    Cool beans.

    Cool beans.
    Cool beans.

    Cool beans.

    Cool beans.

    Cool beeans.

    Cool, beans.

    Cool beans!

    Cool cool

    Beans beans

    coooool

    Beans

    coooool coooool

    Beans beans

    COO-OOL

    Beans

    Coolcool

    Beans beans

    Cool

    Beans

    coooooOOOOOOL

    be-be-be-be-be-beans

    Cool cool

    beans, beans

    CoooOL

    BEANS

    coo-coo-cool

    beans, beans

    Cool

    beans?

    c-c-c-cool

    beans, Beans

    Cool

    Beans

    Cool, co-cool

    Beaaaa-BEBEBE

    COOL BEANS

    So, cool beans?





    Yeah. Cool beans.