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  • Ambulance

    ★★½

  • The Lighthouse

    ★★★★★

  • The Princess Diaries

    ★★★★

  • Clue

    ★★★★

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  • Ambulance

    Ambulance

    “Well, I wish I didn’t have herpes, but we all have to deal with what we’ve got.” - Jake Gyllenhaal, who got paid a lot of money to say this line.

    This was one of the dumbest movies I’ve seen in years. At various points it tried to be Reservoir Dogs, Heat, and The Thin Red Line, on top of being a silly Michael Bay joint. The cast and the drone shots were the only saving graces. Thank God I paid for this with a gift card.

  • The Lighthouse

    The Lighthouse

    ★★★★★

    “If I tells ye to… suck off… a sperm whale’s pecker… you’ll do it! And… you’ll do it smilin’ lad.” - Willem Dafoe, The Lighthouse (2019)

    (This movie's really good, and also pretty gay, if you can't tell 💅)

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