The first sixty of these 77 minutes are trash. At best it's disposable, and at worst it's openly vile and toxic about mental health issues and what might drive a person to suicide. In the middle of those two extremes it's also very dumb about the internet. And not in the fun way a dumb slasher about a cursed phone or whatever can be, it's more like how your parents or your dumbest uncle can be dumb about the internet.…
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Zack Snyder's Justice League 2021
What could I possibly even say about Zack Snyder's Justice League, a film so dominated by its auteur's oppressive vision that everything I thought was excessive or ridiculous about Man of Steel or Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice is here, and turned up to eleventy-twelve.
I joke that I committed to the bit too hard on the Snyderverse, but I hated Man of Steel and BvS, I hated Justice League 1.0, and knew going in that I would feel…
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The Insider 1999
this one kinda clickin', because, though I'm not a big whistleblower movie person because they tend to be about navigating complex american systems I do not care about, as a genre it necessitates a strong righteous point of view, a focus on justice, "ordinary people under extraordinary pressure," that kind of thing
and though obviously the aesthetics of pictures like Thief and Heat are very strong, I suspect that vibe might have been getting in the way of me connecting…
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Heat 1995
none of these houses have double glazing
all of these people should take long vacations
did not care for it
and, dawg, if I can't even get into the one everyone agrees is a classic, I think maybe Mann just isn't for me (will this stop me watching the rest of his films, no, of course not, I've got podcasts to listen to)
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Cocaine Bear 2023
As a film, pretty much exactly what it says on the tin -- there's a bear, it does a lot of cocaine, it goes nuts, there's a lot of violence, credits roll. Fun. Worse ways to fill 95 minutes.
But as a Cinematic Experience, miserable. Maybe twenty people there, and I think I saw... eleven different phones come out? I saw people check Instagram, have lengthy text conversations, take a selfie real quick, somebody turned their flashlight on and looked…
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The Silence of the Lambs 1991
the extent to which this is transphobic and homophobic garbage makes it essentially impossible for me to have any opinion on the rest of it,
and the way this still gets held up as one of the Great Films suuuuuuucks, movie nerds,
like, fuck the entire fuck off
hold your gold to higher standards
