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  • Murder on the 13th Floor

    Murder on the 13th Floor

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Not to make this film sound more interesting than it is, but this is certainly the only picture in the history of cinema whose plot is propelled by a talking toilet performing a biochemical analysis on an unsuspecting person's vomit.

  • Don't Breathe

    Don't Breathe


    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Second viewing; holds up great (aside from the obvious narrative holes such as Suspect With Biggest Axe To Grind Evading Suspicion In Abduction Of Vehicular Homicide Girl - though on the other hand, now that it's all the rage I look forward to the plot hole-filling prequel which valiantly explains how Lang's blind character might've sought her out and captured her in the first place). Firmly on #TeamPvtJoker with regards to Alvarez's facility in establishing the house's geography.

Popular reviews

  • Lone Survivor

    Lone Survivor


    Taliban fighters are ignominiously dispatched in gloriously juicy splatters; our protagonist's comrades valiantly fall in majestic slow-motion. All that's missing are insert shots of awed, teary-eyed observers. Hooyah.

  • Talhotblond


    Sordidly compelling story completely subverted by artless, sub-television news magazine-level treatment. From the hackneyed, on-the-nose music cues to the tacky visual graphics to the truly tasteless decision to employ invented (and utterly banal) narration from a deceased non-fictional character as a framing device for the proceedings, this was alternately risible, appalling and infuriating. I laughed that nobody bothered editing out the moment during the talking head interview segment where the camera operator had to abruptly recover from the hammy psychiatrist excitedly leaning out of frame.