Holidate ★★

This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

This review may contain spoilers.

i'd have no problem with netflix churching out these cliche, tropey, lazy holiday romcoms year after year if the guys in them weren't always such fucking tools. i know the one in this objectively isn't even the worst but he still finds little ways to let main girl miss emma roberts (no, i haven't bothered to learn the guy's name! and what about it!) know he doesn't think she's all that cute tbh while pointing out how much hotter other girls are, and idk man it just kinda pisses me tf off! then he attends her brother's wedding as her horny aunt's date and tells her he MIGHT HAVE SEX WITH HER? like?! the girl he likes, yeah?! who likes him?! who he might have had sex with but doesn't really remember hahahah!!! yeah, he goes to her BROTHER'S WEDDING with her SUPER HORNY AUNT GAHLINDA THE GOOD WITCH and is like MIGHT BANG HER BRAINS OUT WHAT'S IT GOT TO DO WITH YOU! it's honest to god so fucked up and nasty that i just felt sick the entire rest of the film??? and NO ONE else aside from main girl thinks it's weird that her almost-boyfriend has his recently reattached fuck-you finger all the way up in her aunt's mouth like five feet away from her? at her brother's wedding? tiffany paulsen, idk what kinda aunt-related trauma you're tryna exorcise but have you ever spoken to another woman?! you know the appropriate response to this is to glass the guy and probably never speak to your clearly unhinged aunt ever again, right?! and yes i know it's a stupid heterosexual romcom so everyone gets a free pass to be douchey and flat-out toxic sometimes #juststraightiethings❤️ but i don't think i'm supposed to end up completely hating the main love interest!

also, her entire family fucking SUCKS. they have the nerve to pry into her romantic life at every opportunity, then tell her that her personal life is "ruining every family dinner" or some shit – basically accusing her of consistently wrecking the holidays for them by committing the great crime of ??? existing while single ????? and no one ever goes, "hey, she's actually repeatedly asked you to stop being so invasive and maybe not treat her like she's somehow incomplete or wrong or broken for not already being tied down with a husband and four kids at 29 so maybe this is your fucking fault! in fact, she'd probably be really happy to get through one holiday without an unwanted set-up or getting bombarded with rude questions or being told she's going to die alone! have you thought about that?!" maybe it's just me but i would have cut ties with these people years ago. yet they're not even explicitly framed as being in the wrong here – annoying yes, but the film also seems to think there's some truth or fairness to what they're saying. there isn't. they're just the worst.

anyway! speaking of it being a stupid heterosexual romcom, how many more of these vanessa hudgens christmas prince cinematic universe or whatever the fuck movies about straight people do we have to watch before there's even one (1) gay or hell even *glares in lesbian* specifically sapphic one? are those barely-there borderline-insulting breadcrumbs we got in let it snow gonna be what we have to live off for the next five years? just gimme a cute, tropey lesbian christmas movie for fuck sake!

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