A Ghost Story ★★★★★

lately i've been dealing with this constant bothering feeling that i fuck up very very frequently on a daily basis, and that my mistakes outweigh my victories in every possible way. it's exhausting, overanalyzing every conversation i have and feeling a sharp pang of regret everytime i realize i said the wrong thing or worded things wrong or came off way too strong. i'm always worrying about doing too little or regretting doing too much and recently i've been having trouble coming to terms with the fact that i have to live with myself, and all my mistakes, for the rest of my life.

call it pretentious, but a ghost story's themes of nothingness and the vastness of time couldn't have come at a better time. nothing truly matters, and sure, that makes me feel shitty, how all the things i'm working hard for are all for naught, and we will all be inevitably swallowed whole by the darkness we fear, all forgotten, and nobody wants to be forgotten. but at the same time, i find it reassuring - compared to the rest of the universe and all of time, my mistakes won't even leave a speck. the universe doesn't care that i said the wrong words or did the wrong thing. i have learned to find comfort in my cosmic insignificance rather than try and fight it; we do what we can to endure, after all.

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