• The Believers

    The Believers


    Chekhov's magic trick?

    This started out fairly solid with a surprise death and an appearance by Jimmy Smits giving the best performance of the film hands down to help elevate the first forty five minutes but quickly went from a slow burn "therapist helps police hunt for ritualistic child killer" to a bonkers and racist "everyone is in a cult and non-white people/religion is bad" film and despite a very angry Martin Sheen performance where he flies off the handle…

  • Zatoichi at Large

    Zatoichi at Large


    It's interesting watching movies from franchises and how much they borrow from themselves and how it isn't just a recent issue.
    I watched Fallen Kingdom last night and that pretty much cannibalized the four previous films in the Jurassic Park series to disappointing results.
    Here Zatoichi had twenty two other movies in the series to borrow from and did it ever.
    This is the third and maybe even fourth time Ichi has taken a child on the road with him…

  • The Hole

    The Hole


    One of those mystery movies where the same event is told from different POV's and you aren't sure what to believe until everything is spelled out at the end.
    In this case a quartet of high school aged kids at a private school in England ditch school just before a trip to Wales with help from the school "I can get you anything" dude and hide out in an old war bunker that's locked from the outside but when their…

  • Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

    Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom


    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    A film as soulless as the computers that created these CGI dinosaurs with a story as spotty as James Cromwell's English(?) accent.
    We're five movies in so it's that time in a franchise to crank out the guy who co-founded the whole thing but we've never heard about until now because they had a falling out and now we'll pretend he's always been known about because the main character knows about him.
    Just like the first Jurassic World movie was…

  • The Elephant Man

    The Elephant Man


    No one has accused David Lynch of subtlety and it certainly isn't on display here depsite it being much less strange than having his name attached would suggest.
    Every character is very one note, the bad guys are so blatantly evil that it's shocking they aren't twirling mustaches in every scene.
    From the P.T. Barnum esque man who puts on a freak show and beats John (John Hurt) to the maintenance guy who sneaks people into the hospital room at…

  • My Heart Can't Beat Unless You Tell It To

    My Heart Can't Beat Unless You Tell It To


    Two adult siblings, Dwight (Patrick Fugit) and Jessie (Ingrid Schram) care for their younger brother Thomas (Owen Campbell) who has a mysterious affliction requiring blood, lots of blood.
    It's pretty clear to anyone who's seen a movie what ails Thomas and we're in the height of allegorical horror with the parallels of caring for a dying loved one being pretty clear and while it was a tad slow and lost me a few times, especially from the middle on I…

  • The House of the Devil

    The House of the Devil


    Do you enjoy watching paint dry? If so, I have the movie for you.
    Brought to you be Coca Cola™ if the bizarre product placement during a pizza restaurant scene is any indication with literally nothing happening for 90% of the runtime.
    Also if you're an indie filmmaker trying to pad your runtime you can pause the film every time a name appears in the opening credits. Your audience will love it.
    It's not even a slow burn because there's…

  • The Umbrellas of Cherbourg

    The Umbrellas of Cherbourg


    This film already had two strikes against it before the first frame even played.
    It's French and it's a musical that sings every line.
    Not sure that any force on earth could make a movie that has those two things enjoyable to me.
    It probably took until the third act before I even got used to the sing speaking and the story itself was very French with two people who love each other, get torn apart by circumstances and get…

  • Land



    I too would like to have enough money to purchase an off grid cabin and a bunch of land so I didn't have to see people anymore.
    There's nothing wrong with this per se, it just feels like it was written by bots.
    Woman with trauma in her past moves to remote cabin to get away from everyone who knows her and deals with being slightly unprepared for the extremes, has to hide in an outhouse during a bear attack,…

  • Ministry of Fear

    Ministry of Fear


    Almost more Hitchcockian than Langian this noir/thriller set in war time England had a great set up and built the intriguing mystery piece by piece with excellent camerawork that conveyed so much with so little like a train companion who isn't who he appears, a beauty of a seance or a literal shot through a door.
    Ray Milland's Stephen Neale is in a wrong man situation after he gets released from an asylum after a two year stint and visits…

  • The Collector

    The Collector


    Incel: The Movie

    Despite a young and sexy (and creepy) Terrence Stamp delivering a very good and very real seeming performance as an unhinged kidnapper this film didn't quite hit for me.
    Probably had a lot to do with showing everything including the kidnapping from his perspective and having the woman (Samantha Eggar) be an afterthought, could be that she made some pretty dumb decisions and half hearted escape attempts which all feels like a product of the time so…

  • Thunder Road

    Thunder Road


    Sadly twice the Mitchum's don't make for twice the entertainment.
    Admittedly the print that was available on Prime wasn't great but the story itself did nothing to grab me nor did the wooden acting aside from all but Robert.
    Seeing Mitchum's real life son play his younger brother was a trip as the resemblance was strong but that was about the only good thing going for a film about a moonshine running driver that should have been so much better.…