Meh.

I don’t think I’ll ever make it to Agra to see the Taj Mahal, and I can’t see myself ever going to Cairo to visit the pyramids. Similarly, I never thought I’d ever get to see Sid Haig’s balls, so imagine my surprised delight when that is exactly what this film shows you. Mazel tov.

-I take back my wish.
-Good news, mummy. My cancer is back.

Thirteen minutes in and this film had introduced thirteen characters, like it were fucking Magnolia. That said, and even though I fell asleep during the last bit, I appreciated how seriously committed the film was to how stupid it is.

Oh, and also, if you make a Kong movie that shows him grab an axe and sit himself down on a giant throne like Schwarzenegger at the end of Conan, then you really should go the full hog and have one of your 79 human characters whisper in awe: “King Kong!”