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Archie: To Riverdale and Back Again 1990
Jughead used to make rap remixes of Sugar Sugar with his son and now he just catches serial killers and pouts. Art is a reflection of the times I suppose.
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The Lost City 2022
i was acutely aware of the fact that daniel radcliffe was sitting about four rows behind me with his parents the entire film.
because of this, i felt aggressively obligated to laugh at all of his character’s jokes. all of them.
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The Lost City 2022
i did punch up on this movie :) i have seen it in many forms from script to screen but this cut was the best and i was excited to see it in a big crowd with people laughing! i have not seen a studio comedy with a crowd in fucking years?? what a joy. will not tell you which parts were “mine” because that’s reductive and boring but i will say my favorite part was repeatedly trying to make…
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Steel Justice 1992
Robosaurus is the hero we need, but apparently not the one we deserve because he's fucking nowhere in this movie. I was promised a movie about a goddamn giant robot dinosaur obliterating criminals (and their cars) and what I got instead was a terrible Australian actor moping over his dead son for 80 minutes until fucking finally a giant robot dinosaur is mystically summoned from a toy under the guidance of an immortal black dream wizard (this movie is weird)…
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The Unauthorized Full House Story 2015
i frankly love the surreal and deeply unsettling feeling created by lifetime unauthorized movies. everything is like almost what you remember. it's like grasping at a dream. they tell you "no, actually the front door of the tanner house was always on the right" and "yeah bob saget always had a dark aura surrounding him." and for a moment, you believe it, because the actors can almost do the voices and then they loudly play liscensed music to distract you. but then you remember. this is not my luxurious tanner home kitchen. this is not my steve hale. my god. what have they done.
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Stepsister from Planet Weird 2000
Batshit, completely unhinged screenwriting. The dialogue in this film is something rare to witness, it is something you can never acclimate to and the pacing is so breakneck and frenetic that you just can't keep up enough to not be blindsided endlessly. Supremely funny and engaging, it's a film that feels like it was written as a 2 hour feature and every possible subplot that could be explored was stuffed into an 85 minute movie... total fucking cacophony, absolutely highly recommended. Some primo early 2000's CGI hellscapes as well, definitely worth it for that alone.
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Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2022
Gen Zers buy Leatherface's ghost town in yet another terrible reboot, with a strangely conservative bent - especially in a tasteless school shooting subplot - that's just a woeful Halloween 2018 copy mixed with leftover Don't Breathe setpieces. It has clearly been hacked to the bone, running just 74 minutes before the credits roll; it barely even exists and yet it still manages to be underwhelming and completely confused thematically. At least Texas Chainsaw 3D was funny bad, this is just bad-bad.
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Major League: Back to the Minors 1998
I chose not to follow the plot but the baseball sounds were nice
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