🐞🔫🚄½
Immediate takeaways:
-Not a single instance of dialogue that isn't: a one-liner, banter, or a character narrated flashback 🗣
-It isn't nonstop CGI (they make good use of practical effects at times), but when they do do CGI, they overdo it 👩‍💻
-Flashy big-budget action scenes strung together between fairly weak scenes of folks walking up and down a tube 🚶‍♂️
-Bradley Pitts is very charming 😍
--Additionally, every single person on The Train™️ is hotter than any real person I'll ever interact with 👩‍❤️‍👨
-Joey King is my mortal foe. Every cell in my body burns towards her with uncontrollable divine fury. One day, the mistress of Fate will bring us together. We will meet on the battlefield in single combat, harkening forth the 7 years of Tribulation 🕊
-Soundtrack slappity slaps, no question 🎶
-hey, snakes on a train 🐍
-Favorite character was Lemon 🍋 (obvi)