Pretend That You Love Me

Pretend That You Love Me ★★★★½

God I’m so fucking lonely. I’m young but I’ve always felt like a lonely person. Didn’t really have close friends. I do have friends, sure, but with the pandemic I’ve barely seen or interacted with them for a fucking year. Without being forced into human interaction by proximity, it’s extremely difficult to create or maintain relationships. I’ve felt so detached from my emotions and myself this year. Just buried myself in watching movies, browsing the internet and school to stave off boredom. Nothing I’ve done in this year has fucking mattered to anyone. It’s just treading water. And now I’m scared about the possibility of going back, of facing the world again. I’ve never dated, never been in love and felt that love in return, and this film has gotten me back in touch with the excitement and fear that comes with daring to reach out to another human person. Watching this was the first time I’ve cried in a long time, but I wanted to cry more. Anything but this godawful paddling around pretending things are fine, too numb to realize how fucking terrible they are. I fucking hate it here.

Besides the internal crisis of watching this film, I also felt the connection to all the other people (which must be most of us) who feel this same way. It’s a sensation no inane tweet or post can replicate - true human connection and understanding- and I’m so grateful for this splash of soul-bared honesty. It makes me want to create something honest of my own and share it with the world.

Like many others, I’ve recently discovered Joel’s channel and it’s been such a welcome surprise. This is his first film that I’ve seen and I’ll definitely check out more. Just a wonderful fount of humor and truth and earnest passion. Thanks, Joel. You’re doing something really special and I’m so happy I can watch it unfold. 

Not gonna apologize for my rambling outburst of emotion cause I really feel it.

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