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  • Logan

    Logan

    ★★★★½

    Apologies in advance for reducing it to this (and women and genderqueer people can certainly have the same reaction), but this was every dude around me leaving the theater.

  • Tower

    Tower

    ★★★★

    At first, I thought that using animation to tell this story had too much of a distancing effect, but it grew more powerful as the subjects' younger selves merged with their present day counterparts.

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  • Out of Africa

    Out of Africa

    ★★

    I can see why this won a bunch of Oscars, as it's exactly the sort of picturesque, tasteful (BORING), PG-rated romance that always drew in mobs of elderly ladies when I worked at an art house theater. It's technically well made (TORTURE), with handsome cinematography and a lush John Barry score, but it never really succeeds at creating a compelling story or characters we care about (OMG SOOOO BORING). I can appreciate the craft (JESUS GOD. PLEASE KILL ME), but I never really found it compelling, emotionally or otherwise (IT NEVER ENDS. IT. NEVER. FUCKING. ENDS).

  • Heavyweights

    Heavyweights

    ★★★½

    I'm a 29-year-old man who bought a Blu-ray of a movie I've seen several times so I can watch Ben Stiller berate chubby kids in high definition and with a DTS 5.1 soundtrack. It may be time for me to reassess my life choices.