Suspiria ★★★

Suspiria 2018 is a very puzzling remake. It almost feels like a different genre and a different story (in some ways this is true). It's like a political thriller set in 70's Berlin that then switches with no warning to witchy shit. And that's fine, but at 2hrs and 30min, one of these two films needed to be trimmed down-and you know my vote. Keep the horror pure baby. Sure, you tied in the political climate of Berlin at the time, but why would you? Scare me, that's what the original did, that's what I paid for.

Definitely my main gripe with Suspiria '18, it just wasn't scary. A couple parts got me sure, but do to the sheer amount of information being dealt with, it was almost always crosscutting between something scary and something not.

Here's the good in all this, because I didn't "hate" it, I just think it was bloated AF, too busy, and not scary. The good news is, remakes like this simply do not exist. It is completely it's own movie. Not one thing about it copies or try to homage the original, which is different. Even our main character Suzie is unrecognizable. Honestly, besides one sequence that will make you say Mandy was "normal", this is a very grounded film.

Maybe I should have watched all 3 films in Argento's "3 Mothers" trilogy before this. There was so much happening I wonder if Guadagnino redressed ideas from the whole trilogy.

All said, it's decent, but wholly unnecessary. The strength of this film, breaking completely away from the original, is also it's downfall. Where were all the scares? You had twice the length, but less scares? Yikes. Where were the colors? (You mean to tell me you remade Dario Argento's most psychedelic film and used normal colors?!) WHERE WAS THE FUCKING HORROR TRIP SCORE? Good lord, I don't ask for much people, but make a horror film a horror film and don't take 3 hours to do it.

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