The Package ★★

i am absolutely convinced that it's an inside joke among the writers of action genre b-movies that all of them secretly let young boys (ie their sons or nephews) write the content of their scripts.

"What happens next, Billy?"
"I don't know. I'm bored with this."
"Just one more scene and then you can play xbox."
"OK... Stone Cold shoves a bad guy's face in a bowling ball return and it smashes his face. Then he gets to see his wife's boobies."
"Great stuff, Billy. What happens with Dolph Lundgren?"
"Who's that?"
"Doesn't matter. He's called The Swede."
"Sounds German to me. He fights with a mafia boss in a restaurant. Can I tell you what he says?"
"Tell me every word they say. I'm ready to write it all down."

i am 100% certain this is how these movies are written. just check out the dialogue here. no adult mind would think this dialogue is OK: "I chased Taliban insurgents in Kabul and hunted war criminals in Serbia and here I am in a rotten ole gas station in the middle of Hicksville, Washington, U-S-of-A chasing an ex-nightclub bouncer turned errand boy." try reading that sentence slowly out loud. the actor couldn't do it either. he had to take a breath in the middle and gasped for air at the end.