A friend had a spare ticket to a gig and asked if I was free. I was, of course. I hadn't heard of the band, but was still happy to go. In the queue to get into the club I noticed a sign that was advertising the night, and saw "...with KOYAANISQATSI" and pointed it out to my friend. He said "They must be the supporting act" and a guy in the queue said "It's a film" in the most…

I have a very bad memory, and that depresses me. When friends are talking about funny stories from their youth, I love hearing them, and always want to share my own. But I can't remember them. Sometimes people even tell me funny stories I played a vital role in. It's all news to me. "Did that happen?" I ask. They can't believe I don't remember. "Oh yeah, I remember now!" I lie. It's so bad that I've gotten to the…

Imagine you walked into your bathroom to use the toilet, and just before you do, you notice there is no water in the bowl. Instead, it's Nigel Farage's face. As soon as it sees you, it begins talking about "youngsters" needing a jolly good war to reignite that Great British pride. Every day can be like Last of the Summer Wine, at least for the survivors who aren't blown to bits or traumatized for life. It'll be good for them,…