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  • Dead or Alive: Final

    Dead or Alive: Final

    The most 2002 thing I've ever seen. So in other words - it's rubbish.

    Like the first film, all this offers is a good opening and ending. I used to think it was amazing that Miike could make 3 or 4 films a year, but now I know what the trick behind that is. Just fill them with any old shite. I leave the DOA films pretty disappointed because the Black Society Trilogy got it's hooks in quickly and made…

  • Dead or Alive 2: Birds

    Dead or Alive 2: Birds

    Like the first film there are so many moments of invention, so many great shots, so many completely out of left field ideas peppered through it that it feels like you couldn't possibly find it boring. And yet. And yet.

    All these madcap moments in both 1 and 2 are blended through some of the dullest stories you can imagine. What's more, there is no getting on board with the main characters on any kind of personal level. There are…

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  • Dunkirk

    Dunkirk

    Imagine you walked into your bathroom to use the toilet, and just before you do, you notice there is no water in the bowl. Instead, it's Nigel Farage's face. As soon as it sees you, it begins talking about "youngsters" needing a jolly good war to reignite that Great British pride. Every day can be like Last of the Summer Wine, at least for the survivors who aren't blown to bits or traumatized for life. It'll be good for them,…

  • Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

    Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

    [Short review]

    Please give Luc Besson enough money for him to make euro-artist fueled science-fiction adventure films forever.

    [Other, all-over-the-place thoughts]

    Should have been called Valérian and Laureline because she's the hero.

    The costumes: I love them so much. There is a HAT in this film that made me want to stand up and cheer. A hat.

    The setting: I love it. And it's gorgeous. It gave me that rare but magical feeling of "I want to go there". I…