Inside Llewyn Davis

Inside Llewyn Davis ★★★★★

The worst feeling in the world is the feeling that you're just a worse version of someone else. The feeling that what you do will never amount to anything because there's always someone else who's doing that same thing but better. It's certainly something I feel when I write on this website, but it's when it's something you care so much about, something you invest so much time into that you feel like you should be a master of it, that it hurts the most.

I'm new to criticism, and writing in general I guess. So I don't feel as put down by my (far greater) peers. But in the real world? Where I stand next to people who can sing better than me, who are smarter than me, who can act better than me when I try my hardest at those things, it hurts. It shouldn't, I should be able to get over that I just suck at things, but it's really hard when you don't know what you ARE good at. I gravitate here for that, because I think I know a lot about film (compared to everything else I know at least) and I love writing and blaring my opinion at people. But when I got here, I got the slap in the face that I don't know SHIT about film, or criticism. Hell, I've barely seen any movies!

I don't know why I've been able to accept that here and not else where. I don't know why my mind works like this. I don't even know how I work. But it always brings me back to here, in the dark of the night, all alone. I have no one to talk to. It is silent. And I can feel how insignificant I am. I've dealt with this in different ways before, but I've forgotten them. So now I'm writing this piece of shit, which is going nowhere and has no structure.

It's taking everything within me not to delete this right now. But I need this, even if it just seems stupid to you (as a reader). It's perfectly fine for you to not like this and think I'm stupid and pretentious and have shitty opinions or whatever. But I'm just sad. And I have nowhere else to go right now.

Llewyn would feel the same I think. At least, in my head. Thank you for listening.

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